I appreciate your post very much. I am thinking about it today. I have two questions I am confused on and hoping you can provide clarity:
[quote=Oceangl] 1. I believe you are saying don't tolerate being treated poorly by your WAS. But how does that line up with allowing them to live at the house with you and have an EA/PA or speak unkindly to you? I feel like a lot of DB seems to be: let them do what they want and put up with it in case they might come back. Where am I going wrong with this? !
You should never let anyone treat you unkindly. You have to have boundaries. As far as a EA/PA that's up to you if you are willing to tolerate it or not.
Originally Posted by Oceangl
I 2. One thing that really confuses me: If my spouse says he is done because he wanted more physical affection (not sex, just physical affection), and says that is a main love language, how does DB fit in with that? Are you saying it's too late for that? I am trying to understand the difference between meeting a need and pursuing. Would that not be a 180 or doing something different? !
It's too late for that because that ship has sailed. You meet a persons need when you are in a caring loving relationship. Not when a spouse is in an affair and has one foot out the door. That is a display of low value. Relationship and attraction are about value. People who jump through hoops for you are not valuable and are therefore not attractive. You value people who are confident and self-sufficient, and that you feel you need to work to get. When you get attention from those people you feel good about yourself.
