Thank you Alison, yes you are quite right, I do need to reframe it all. And I don't want to blame him for stuff just because he blames me for everything bad in his life, I can be happy without him even if this current uncertainty is hard. This pandemic time has been difficult because everything has been upended and all my plans for this year (travel with ds1, meeting friends) have been put on hold, and career stuff is a lot less certain. Plus my social life has nosedived, I met a friend at long last for a walk yesterday and goodness me, that helped so much. People are not designed to be socially isolated. I have put plans in place to meet up with more friends outdoors, that will help having someone to talk to.
What do I want? An interesting career which uses my considerable skills and allows me to contribute to something A nice man who laughs at my jokes, finds me interesting and wants to have conversations with me, someone I can make a meaningful connection with and have a physical relationship with Travel to interesting places, meeting new people and seeing new things
I do actually have a list of things I want to do, but right now many of them are off limits due to pandemic stuff! I could investigate doing some of them virtually but I am tired of virtual living right now. I'm taking myself off for a run somewhere pretty and green to ease this anxiety. I can feel the fear and do this D stuff anyway, even in the midst of this uncertainty. I nudged the solicitor and arranged for him to call tomorrow. My bank card turned up. Progress. Scary progress. But still progress and it's necessary.
