I didn’t have that experience. My ex was the narcissistic charmer, and many of our friends were his friends because he couldn’t be bothered to hang out as a couple with people I liked but he didn’t “get”. The men mostly stayed with ex in the divorce, even the ones who had known me as long as my ex. But I always reflect back on the comment of one of our mutual friends that we met together in school - he said my ex was “A god among men!”. O.M.G. A more ridiculous thing was never said! But it just shows how much his narcissistic charm bamboozled people. I loved my ex dearly but I certainly knew he wasn’t a “god among men”, just my (almost) intellectual equal.
Maybe that was the problem. As a narcissist he needed to be thought of as a god among men, and bring treated as an equally by his wife was just too much for a god to bear?
My BFF laughed out loud when she heard that. We still chuckle about the “god among men”. (As we also laugh about a famous author she once dated who petulantly declared “But I’m a living legend!”
My ex in-laws mostly stayed away too (I don’t really blame them, I know how awkward that can be) but one cousin and aunt of his stay in touch with me and they are lovely.
