I realize I’m a bit depressed. As always , a highly functioning depressed and you would never know it if you interacted with me, but I’m down. This area of country I am realizing is so much different than others. Other places are reopening and resuming life as normal. I was shocked to see that from these boards. But here, it’s not happening, nor should it happen that way, nor will things ever be close to the same. I get up, I go to work, I come blame. The things I used to look forward to as a single woman and an extrovert are gone. And will be gone a long time. Gathering with friends and family, going to a concert, a bar, going on a date, a vacation. They are gone. Running to my friends house to hang out? Gone. Spa day with the girls? Gone. Gone for a long time. And I come home and n adults. Love my daughter. But she isn’t an adult. I got some adults at work though.
But the reality of the new life is making me sad. I feel like I’ll be pretty lonely forever. And just having nothing to look forward to is really rough. I don’t even have the will to look nice anymore. I go to work, wear a mask most of the day and scrubs. No one ever sees me. On the rate occasion I go to the store, I wear a mask, no one sees me. I don’t have anyone to look good for at home, so why bother ? I shave only in case I need to go to the hospital, lol. And last night I almost went as I was having the worst right lower quadrant pain all day. Thought I had appendicitis. It’s better today, but I had a rough night. I felt feverish and achy. But I was off today and even though I was up early, I took a 3 hour nap because I was oh so tired.
So yeah, I’m depressed. And lonely. And a little scared, quite honestly. But it what it is. At least I still have an income and my health . But I sure as heck could see how people’s mental health is going downhill at this time
