Quote Could she have borderline personality disorder?
I spent 22 years trying to figure it out and have literally read or listened to hundreds of books. My final conclusion I came to was, it isn't my problem anymore.
The reason I ask is because she IS your children's problem still. Borderline personality disorders swing between "You're the best thing ever" and "you're the worst person I ever met". It's so confusing and disorienting for people who are involved with them. They have trouble maintaining long-term relationships, friendships, sometimes jobs because of it.
My best friend was raised by a stepmom who is a (relatively benign) borderline. This stepmom did manage a long marriage to my friend's father but he was extremely codependent. My friend says the stepmom can be a lot of fun when she's in a good mood, but can turn on a dime if she perceives some kind of (usually imaginary) slight. Stepmom and dad moved a lot, stepmom either didn't fit in or wore her welcome out with various friends and church groups. When she married the dad stepmom threw away almost all photos of my friend's deceased mother. After the father died she threw out a ton of family photos without asking my friend first if she wanted them. She's finally moved out of state to live near her biological daughter and although my friend misses the good times with her, she realizes how unhealthy the stepmom is and is happy not to be walking on eggshells all the time caretaking her stepmom's "feelings".
From the Mayo clinic: Signs and symptoms may include:
An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety Ongoing feelings of emptiness Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
