Through The Storm IV

[may22]

Kristin!!! So glad to hear from you and how things are going. I see a lot of similarities in our sitches right now, except that my H doesn't want to talk about the A (he asked that we wait until we're out of quarantine, though when we decided that we thought we'd be done at the end of April and here we are in the middle of May with no meaningful end in sight!).

That "I'm here, that should be enough" was definitely a hallmark of my H's attitude in all of this back when he first broke it off with AP and for some time afterwards. I haven't heard it for a pretty long time now. I also dealt with a lot of my own anger that has cooled quite a bit as well. I just took a look at my thread from when we were 6-ish weeks out from him going NC with AP, and I was dealing with a lot of the same feelings you are now, and seeing similar behaviors from my H. I think your W is probably mourning the loss of the R with her AP.

If my H had gifts or mementos around the house of AP, I'd have a really hard time with that too. I guess that by keeping them out in the open, you can measure the progress she's making by when she decides to toss them (rather than her keeping them as a secret). We had a similar issue with a Spotify playlist he'd shared with AP that he has finally deleted, and I ended up being glad that I hadn't forced the issue earlier on when he wasn't ready.

Anyway, if our sitches follow the same general pattern, I would offer that now three full months (WOW) since my H broke off the A and went NC with AP, I have seen significant improvement in all those areas you're dealing with now. We aren't to where I want to be yet and I'm still working on patience and focusing on what I can control (me), but I definitely do think that time after NC with the AP does really help.