And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

So far....

I have let go of the affair - there is nothing I can do to stop it and it will have to come from him to do so. I am letting go of having to know anything - whether it be through snooping or asking directly. I will not ask about his feelings or about the relationship.

I see he is not wearing his ring today, he knows that I asked before for him to (mistakenly) - but whether he is actively baiting me or not - it is what it is.

What I can do, is while he is here, continue to show thru my actions that I have changed and am continuing to work on myself. I will not ask him what are his plans.

I am in a unique opportunity to be in quarantine with my kids, and before they usually were busy all the time with school and sports, and now I have them all to myself and have been enjoying hanging with them. I cook dinner for them while I listen to their talking to each other (and me). And while they eat, I clean up. If it works out that I can alter the meal or fix something partial for H as he is vegetarian, I do. We (kids and I) take rides together in the evening to pass the time.

I know last night H seemed like he was going to step out: he came to my room to say good night and ask if he could shut the door. And when I went for some water in the kitchen, he asked if I was turning in yet. Sigh. I climbed into bed later than I usually do (because of the anxiety). And when I heard noises (front door? garage door?) that sent me to to anxiety land, I turned to prayer until exhausted and out. I am human after all and this is all still very hard to go thru!

I did pick up Trazodone to help me sleep (and stay asleep). Will see, I am not a big fan of medicines.