Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[Pommy99]

Wow Pommy. Our situations are so similar.

I am telling myself lately I can't fill his holes. I am too quick to let him have his cake and eat it, too. I get so excited when he throws a crumb of love at me, like a little puppy, only to feel so discouraged the next day when he throws me nothing.

I am the same. As much as I have tried to detach, I am so starved of affection and love, that I really fell hard for his charms last week into wanting me back, and whisking me off to bed. And after he took it away again I came crashing to the floor, worse than I have ever been up to now.

I am working hard right now on not letting my happiness depend on him. I think this is good for you also. Right now you are experience the yoyo as he switches back and forth on what he wants. And you want it to work so much you (and me) let him get away with it.

It's so hard in lockdown to not think about the M 24/7. I want to feel that I can find happiness without him, I'm sure I will, but I'm still not ready to let go. I keep thinking to myself that this person is my husband. He is still my husband. Yet for a year he has not been a husband at all. Why am I putting up with that? Why is that acceptable? He clearly hasnt wanted to fill the role of being my husband for some time now, so I'm confused as to why he is still reeling me in. I feel so helpless and hopeless and that every day now is a step further away from any reconcilliation. I feel like I'm going to have to start detaching all over again and it's painful.

I just think its unfair they expect us to make up for the spark they feel is missing.

Yes!!! I feel the same. Last week I got chastised for not being flirty/dirty/spontaneous/cheeky/seductive (or whatever other word of the moment he can find). I've been rejected for the last year and been told not to put pressure on him. I cant win.

He just has to make this decision about which side of the fence to jump, as I've now spelled it out to him that he will lose something either way, but he cant stay paralysed forever. He has more IC this week - he moved today's appt back 2 days because he had the children at his ...ugh....I hate his timelines and the fact there is no urgency.