HIgh Levels of Acceptance

[sage]

Was feeling crabby last night into this AM. Triggering event last night was totally lame -- hairdresser got my appt wrong and I had to reschedule for the second time -- weeks from now! You would not believe the "weight of the world" response my mind and body had over this unbelievably trivial thing! Then I started moping around...too much work to do, things messy at home, etc.

H came home from school and was positively charming -- bouncy, excited to see me, yelled at the top of his lungs "I want a date with you!", asked about plans for the weekend, etc. I love his energy and enthusiasm for me, for us.

Even this am I was dragging...had to call stylist back (she was so gracious on the phone!), was bemoaning the schoolwork I had to do for tonight (almost done just a few hours later)...I guess it kind of hit me a bit..it IS all this lame-o stuff but it's also that I wrote a post for someone in Infidelity that had me revisiting so much stuff -- and just reminded me how I still wish I understood more about what happened, and why.

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that my h moved out because he didn't like the kind of Blue Cheese that I bought. In the dream he says "I can understand you getting this somewhat wrong but to buy brand XYZ? What the heck were you thinking?"

He packs. He leaves.

Here's the kicker...my h doesn't even LIKE blue cheese -- in fact, he doesn't like most cheeses but as he said this AM -- blue cheese would probably be the last one he'd eat.

So...what the heck is my psyche trying to say?

My ASSumption -- that there WAS in fact no practical, rational reason for the time period when h was involved with ow. That the stuff he said to me then, his behavior toward me, towards us, in the midst of the EA was akin to him leaving over blue cheese...just as weird and senseless and irrational.

I'm not saying that h didn't have some valid beefs about our r but so much of what was said, his reactions to me during that time were off the charts.

Anyway...I'm putting my psyche's message in the positive category...I have info on what makes my m tick now...more than ever...and I'm doing my best, and h is doing his best, to keep the learning process moving along, too...Imagining my m as a committed,loving, faithful, awesome partnership! 'cause that's the way it feels!

Sage