If not for the dog being happy to see me I would have thought I had accidently stepped into the wrong home. It felt strange. It felt uncomfortable. The same home I had awakened in just two days before, as I had for the prior 14 years, already had the feel of a different space. In the kitchen I saw where the OM had pretty much already set up shop with a cappuccino machine and other assortments, a half consumed bottle of wine in the refrigerator, the deck furniture was rearranged in a manner clearly showing the cozy get together that had taken place there since my departure not even 48 hours before. I felt nauseous and wondered why I agreed to this arrangement, which struck me as a violation of boundaries on many levels. After walking the dog I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
First, very sorry you're going through this. But yes, this is why we say not to move out. In your case it was her house so you really didn't have a choice, but it's not unusual for a wayward to move OM in as soon as the LBS is out even if they expressed no interest in dating beforehand. They have this fantasy all mapped out in their head and can't want to implement it.
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With each passing day the reality of all of this penetrates my thick skull a little more. She's past grieving the end of our relationship. I was oblivious when she was going through this. She now feels hopeful for a future which doesn't include me, while I, only five weeks after learning about her plans and still trying to absorb this and hold on to any shred of hope if there is any to grasp, feel more hopeless this can ever be saved.
It's not nearly as hopeless as it may seem. There are three possible outcomes:
1. WAS explores new life for a while, finds it's not all sunshine and rainbows, eventually reconciles with LBS.
2. Same as above, but LBS has moved on and doesn't want to reconcile anymore.
3. WAS rides into the sunset happy as can be.
Just based on my own anecdotal evidence from these forums and personal experiences, 1 and 2 are far more common than 3. A lot of people think the "success rate" in saving M's is very low, but what they don't realize is it is because of number 2 above, it's the LBS that eventually decides they are done and moving on. It makes sense if you think about it. Imagine you've been through all the hurt and pain you're in now, but for months and months. All the while, your W is partying it up with OM and just having a grand old time, the two of them thumbing their noses at you from your old home. Eventually you heal and start getting a life of your own and ceasing to care about what she's doing. You address the pain, you recover, you feel good about life again. Eventually you may even start dating and find someone who gives you the respect and attention you realize you weren't getting in your old relationship. THEN your W strolls back into your life wanting to reconcile. Would you want to consider getting back with the person that skipped out on the marriage without warning and immediately shacked up with someone else? Who didn't give you the time of day for a year or more, and now suddenly can't live without you? Could you possibly trust this person to be loyal and faithful from now on? Often the answer is no, no, no.
Anyway my point is that depending on how patient you are, chances are better than you think that your W will eventually come around.
