Hello PLC Great Job reaching 1 year Standing with a MLC spouse is not for the weak.
I sometimes think how nice it would be if my H lived in our home instead of his bachelor pad. Than I can see him-I miss him so much, and get a sense of where he might be in MLC stages. But than I read about your H or others H living at home. How draining that must be for you seeing the crazy every day. And how painful hearing him talk on the phone to OW. Or H not coming home and you wondering where he’s been. Every day. I am thankful I can stay away from that. I have so much respect that you haven’t killed him or committed yourself.
I do find the MLC fascinating. I don’t know if I could believe in it if I hadn’t witnessed my H following it’s exact script. What is with the eating thing? Not taking food from us? Gosh they are bizarre. Last summer H had to meet S26 and I at lake house to finish a couple of things. H is always jittery around me. (Since MLC) So he’s his jittery self working on the deck with S and I and I offer H and S a beverage. H says no. Than 10 minutes later H goes in and gets a beverage. I offer H a beefstick. H says no and 10 minutes later H goes in and gets beefstick. Same thing exactly about a sandwich. It’s so ridiculous that I found myself offering things just so H could say no and than watch him 10 minutes later go get it. It’s hard for me sometimes to pass up on these entertaining possibilities.
I must say, I’m really impressed with your strength and level head. You found out about OW and haven’t said a word to him. OMGosh. I wish I could redo that moment for myself. I lost it big time- went off on him via text and wanted to light his hair on fire. He’s lucky he’s bald so I couldn’t. I added time on the MLC nightmare clock because of it. I sent him running in the wrong direction. Aargh. I wish H and OW didn’t know I know. What an advantage that would be. Did finding out about OW change you? It did change me. Like a switch was flipped. It was the most painful moment of my life. (And I have some pretty tragic history) I had anxiety attacks so bad my Mom took me to the emergency room. They gave me good drugs and a crisis therapist. I’m no wilting lily. I would never have predicted it to affect me so severely. But now. I’m different. I’m not as needy. I feel a lot stronger than before. Where I once battled with myself not to pursue, Now it comes easily. I naturally turned my back on him and had no problem going NC. That helped my sitch a lot.
Oh. I need to ask you. Do you not talk to D about yours and H situation? I thought I read somewhere in your thread that you don’t talk to her about it. The reason I ask is because I don’t talk to my S30,S26 and D27 about mine and H sitch. Well. They know H and I are suppose to be getting a D. That’s because when H left me he ran off as fast as he could to our kids, our friends and my family to tell them we are getting a D. It’s like he couldn’t wait. (But, weirdly, He did not tell anyone from his side of family and 1 1/2 years later still has not) So. S30 and S26 don’t want to talk about it at all. (I’m an avoider so that works for me) D27 occasionally calls my Mom and asks if H and I have filed yet. D27 Told my Mom she does not want H and I to get back together because she thinks I deserve to be with someone who treats me better than he has. (while in support of me, it breaks my heart, because I don’t want my child to feel that way about their Dad) They are all team Me because they witnessed H odd and atrocious behavior. They are respectful to him when they are with him. But they choose not to reach out to him, refuse to go to his bachelor pad and H has let months go by without contacting them. They know from the beginning I did not want the D. I chose to stand when I didn’t know what that meant. I sensed there was something very wrong happening to H. I haven’t shared with them about MLC and all that entails. Why I’m standing and how it all works. I believe they think I’m in denial. And Dads a crazy jerk. I thought about writing up a brief info paper on MLC and the boxes their dad has checked and my role and position in it all. But I haven’t done it yet.
One last thing. How great you found a IC that recognizes and is knowledgeable about MLC. I haven’t been able to find a IC like that. My IC is helping me a lot. But I’m literally teaching her about MLC. Makes me want to become a therapist that specializes in It myself.
Anyways. I’m sorry you have a MLCer like me. I’m glad that you are here to converse with and share your journey. Keep up the good stander work of battling the crazy while appearing calm, collected and happy.
