Sandi- I read through your threads before but I read through them again. I do sometimes see aspects of my wife in those threads and myself as well in some your lists about things that destroy a marriage. I still don't really know what to do though. The only thing I can really do based on what you and a lot people seem to think is ask her to leave, which she has no obligation to do and I don't know if she would. Or leave myself which is of course something I don't want to do either. As ive mentioned before. There isnt much else. We already dont do laundry together, her decision after moving out of the bedroom this last weekend. She already pays her own bills and phone. I won't take care of her car or anything but it's not like shes not capable I just always felt like that was something a man should do for his wife. Honestly even if she left or I did I'm not sure I have any kind hope she would even realize she misses anything about us. Unlike a lot of what I read on here my wife is not having an affair with a single person. Its not something where she wants any kind of commitment or plan. She wants independence and as a part of that she wants to be able to have whatever fun she wants to have with whomever. So there isn't going to be a falling out that breaks her, she has already fallen out with multiple people since this started. Her net grows everyday the Facebook group feels like this almost meaningless harmless website in comparison to her actively searching people out with the close location finders shes using now. I feel like your definition of a wayward wife is more about being lost in the fantasy of what this new life with a different partner can be like but maybe I'm just reading into it. I just can't imagine what kinda bottom this could have for her. She has an entire lifetime to re-live that she missed out on because of me. I feel like thats what she wants to reclaim. The time so many people spend trying to learn whats important in a relationship, in sexual preference, in hobbies, friends etc.The men are just one byproduct of that. Along with her new vape and drinking. Constant late nights and traveling on a whim. None of this is based on seeing someone in particular. I know that because I see the pictures and speak to the family shes with.
As far as how the last week as more or less gone well I can't say its too much different than before. My wife is gone most days of week. Somehow the friends that never seem to have time for her before have all the time in world recently, maybe because everyone is stuck at home. Sometimes she tells me about it but rarely. I had couple of days I felt like I had a lot of calm of acceptance of the situation I wasn't being bothered by much and was able to enjoy some of my time again. That was fine until I was helping her do some math and was looking at her phone and she get snapchat form some new guy I've never seen. I spiraled again and things went of the rail. That put me back in a depression the next day. On Saturday we moved the bedrooms. That was a very bad day. It was a whole lot to take and it became a lot worse as the day went on. We had to make decision about various things in the house and hearing talk about stuff was terrible. In the guest bedroom we keep some kids stuff, a rocking horse thats a dinosaur, and a toy chest full of clothes and toys that we have bought or my wife made going all the back to when we were 13 years old. I asked what she wanted to do with it and she said I don't know we'll just sell the stuff. No emotion at all. This stuff use to be the most important things to her, they have survived her being kicked out of her parents house, and 5 moves over the course of 13 years and just like they don't even matter to her to keep for herself. When I asked about it she said she didn't care about those goals anymore those were about a life she had where she thought she would have this great family and husband with me. There were many things like that, photos, cards, mementos, the entirety of our life together and what I always perceived as her identity no longer matters. She talked about selling basically all of her collectibles and what not as well. Lots of them are gifts from me but a lot of those hobbies predate even me being with her. It was all too much for me. We talked a lot of the over years about what would happened if ever broke up. About how you can't just erase history like ours. These memories would always be important to us even if something came between us. But apparently we were wrong. None of it means anything to her anymore. I spent most of the day talking about our past and trying to understand how all of these things just don't matter anymore. By the end of the day I was anger I demanded more information about how this happened, about what was going on now. Why she insisted on staying with me. How she truly can be so done with me but sit there and watch me literally rot from the inside out wanting to be with her. As usual I got no answers just complacent attitude about how its not my business.
Strangely I've been in an overall better place since then. I'm still not doing great but overall I don't feel as empty. On mothers day she refused to go to my parents even after my mother asking her specifically if she was coming just a couple days before and her telling her we were coming to keep face. We just lied and said both of our mothers made plans at the same time and she went there. Mind you in 13 years that has never happened, she always chose my parents first and then we would go to hers after even if the event was over. My mother was odd all day. She knows our behavior recently has been very different. She mentioned how skinny I looked and I gladly agreed I had lost a good amount. I've lost about 20 pounds in 2 months. Its not for the right reasons but I'm not really unhappy about it. I felt pretty lonely and on edge but overall it was a nice day. I left after a couple hours and went to my sisters to deliver a trashcan I had for her. Spent some time there and just unwinded. After that I decided I would go to my in laws, I wasn't fully decided all day and after the fight the night before I wasn't sure my wife would even let me. But again she was completely unconcerned if I wanted to come then fine otherwise it didn't matter. I don't how much more time I'll get to spend with them so I don't want to miss some time to spend with them. My wife just more or less ignored me as if I was another person in the room nothing special. Spoke to me some in relation to the conversation, rarely looked at me, never touched me. Rolled off any comment about us as a couple that was made. I'm glad I went though, I made a point not be reserved, to be open and have conversation with everyone in a way I rarely do. It was nice, I had fun being apart of the group. Some conversations were awkward. My wife is planning another trip to Vegas in June for our godsons 5th birthday. Apparently she was planning on taking our little sister, she hadn't told me that. That kicked off the whole rest of the family planning to go though so now everyone is going. This conversation was happening when I got there halfway through, Bill her grandfather, asked me so your not going right? So my wife most have already excused me form the trip prior to me arriving. I just said I wasn't sure, I would like too but I'm not sure what happening with work yet. Over all I left with a big smile on my face. In the driveway though any amount of act to be happy around me went straight out the window and she just bye. I grabbed some dinner and gas and went home, I saw her for a minute before she went to her room and that was it. Before her moving rooms I at least saw her regularly and we talked somewhat normally. Now hardly at all.
The last 2 days have been up and down. I feel okay for the most part. but things set me off occasionally. Yesterday it came to my attention that my wife is now a moderator on the facebook group. That hurt alot. I spent a couple hours thinking through a lot of emotions after that. I really just want to talk to her to try to get her to help to understand again. I just want to know what exactly it is she wants in life. What about all of this makes her life so much better. I also feel like I don't know how much of our life together might have been a lie. I just want honesty, more than anything right now I want the truth about what was maybe not said or what else happened in the past behind my back. My sister just happened to text at that moment and said her bf was asking about me and if I was coming by today. Thinking about it now I hope Im not being a burden but at the time it really made me feel good to be thought about. I went by and had dinner. I had a really good time overall. Had some actually conversation not about me. I'm trying really hard to be better at interacting socially. My sister got herself a little drunk on accident so we called it a night a little early. My wife took off with a friend after work so I didn't see her until about midnight. We talked for a minute and I complimented the new jacket she bought and she went to bed.
Right this second I feel kinda okay overall. But I didn't work today and ended up sleeping until noon so I know I'm not doing great. I would normally get up early and at least find things do around the house or take care of errands. But I did things like that because I took pride in our home and wanted to have time to spend with my wife. That no longer really matters though so I just have no drive to do any of it. My yard is atrocious, I normally take a lot of pride in it. Wife said she probably wouldn't come home again until late since her and her friend didn't get to go everywhere they planned yesterday. so I guess it will be another empty house day. The emptiness of this master bedroom is disheartening. I rarely sleep longer than an hour before I wake up tossing. I did the same thing any time she was gone before. I had some weird dreams last night. One where she was just blatantly mean to me about other men. One where I bonded with my little brother on her side. and one where things were normal again. Of course the last one hurt the worse. I do feel like I'm starting to come to terms with what is happening though. That the grief isn't as strong anymore. It lets me be able to think through my actions more reasonably. Maybe I really needed to let the anger boil on Saturday. I have had lots of thoughts as you can see but for the last 2 days I haven't said anything to my wife outside of general chit chat. I'm not sure when the last time she even asked about how my day was or even what I did.
