Trying to salvage the situation

[sandi2]

If she never said another word about not wanting to be married you anymore, and she just picked up where she left the MR.........would you be okay with it?

From what I've been able to find, most WW's act as if they think their H is a fool. Notice I said they act as if they think it. Look at your W's actions. Without any warning she announces she doesn't want to be M to you anymore and moves to another bedroom, takes off her rings, and stops undressing in front of you. Then suddenly, without a word of explanation or asking how you might feel about it.......she just shows up in your bed, as if nothing ever happened. Now I don't know about you, but I would be highly offended that she thought I didn't require anything........and that I could be played so easily. Even though you had told her you wanted to work things out, didn't you deserve a word of explanation?

Unfortunately, most WW's will take the easiest route, and if her H isn't aware of the affair, the easier for her.

So what I'm essentially piecing together is that the A is over for one reason or another, likely from her ending it based on the info that I've gathered.

Maybe, but as someone has pointed out, affairs are extremely addicted. The WW will find ways to contact her affair partner (even if she's tried to call the A off), or she'll find OM#2 fairly fast.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I told her a month ago that I was ready to talk about the MR whenever she was. I don't know if I should confront her about the PA in any way, and I'm hesitant to initiate a conversation as I feel like the ball is in her court to do that.

Well, that's where we think differently. IMHO, the ball is in your court......or rather, it should be. Maybe that's part of the problem over the past years, you had the mindset that the ball was always in her court. IDK, just a guess.

My question is what do you want, since discovering she cheated? Is it a deal breaker for you? How about lying? Think hard about what you want, and what you won't tolerate. As for confronting her........what are you wanting, or what do you expect to get from her when you confront her? Do you want her to break down in tears, begging for your forgiveness? Well, it could happen, I suppose. We see more cases where the WW moves to the next step (separate or divorce). So, my advice is to know exactly what you plan to say and where you go from there. Confrontation just lets her know that you know she cheated, but it doesn't settle anything. You need a plan beyond confrontation. And, btw, having a heart to heart talk does nothing to help the problem at this point. I realize you are nice guy and nice guys love to have those relationship discussions, b/c that's all they know to do........ but it won't resolve waywardness.

Let me add one more thing, to keep in mind. In-house separation doesn't work.