MLC circus

[Rita]

MissM, I have not followed your stitch but just read your last post and wanted to say that there is a real victory here. I lived with my Monster MLCer for six years before he filed and I had to pay him to move out, by renting out half my apartment. He has never given me any money for the children, our mortgage, dropped our health insurance, openly had (still has)affair with married woman, abandoned our two businesses, stopped working while I worked 5 part time jobs and was solo parent, stole money out of our businesses and my own wallet and checks and even D11 (8 at the time)'s wallet and still throughout has claimed that everything was my fault and if I had just ceded control of businesses and finances to him he could have made millions. He even put our house/business on the market (long story of how I had to say yes) while I live here for almost two times the appraised value, with a slimy broker.

Throughout that time he lived at home, I kept standing without really many boundaries. I didn't understand that you could have financial boundaries and boundaries on how they speak to you and still stand. When he moved out, I still tried to stand (as in, be open to him coming back) but the abuse and the divorce evil (trying to destroy me and kids financially with the most vicious tactics and evil lawyer) got so disgusting that even Gerda had to face the truth and cut off all contact. Recently I even filed a police report about the emotional/verbal abuse that he still does via text after I blocked e-mail.

So I want to tell you that when I read how you handled the call, I thought, BRAVO! You know how to stand and still stand up for yourself.

And see it as a blessing that he wants you to be okay financially. Seriously. There is no need to have pride about that and it might be the last vestige of empathy he'll have til he comes out of this.

I would wait at least a few days and then say "Thanks for the kind words," or something really really short like that. My goal has always been to walk with God, and I think if you are doing that you can figure out how to be graceful and kind at least some of the time. I think I went too far, I was kind while allowing extreme abuse so that my kids could still have a dad at home, and that wasn't good for my kids. But my point is, I think you have a great sense of how to set boundaries and that will really help you heal. The roller coaster is unavoidable; you can only learn how to "flatten the curve"!!!!