This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

Right now I am working so hard to focus on each day. Being my best self. I have done too much pretzeling of myself to please him. I am working to change that mindset. To be authentic.

We had MC on Saturday. We have an awesome therapist who is compassionate but doesn't let him get away with anything. He told him on our last session in a kind way that he was placing too much responsibility for his own happiness on our marriage. He also worked with him to help him understand that so much of this is from his childhood. His parents showed no emotions and no comfort. They had a terrible marriage. And so my H has a hard time with emotions. He tends to withdraw completely. And has blamed this on me and the marriage. We had a good session, my H just still feels like divorce is the best option. He feels like we don't do a good job of taking care of each other while married, so we can be there for each other and be close and great friends divorced.

I am reading this as, "I want everything I love about this relationship and be able to date other people also." I think he is trying to figure out a way to "have it all." I have told him that does not work for me. If we divorce I dont want to hang out with him. He got angry and said fine if you feel like you need to do that and punish. I told him not to minimize my experience. While it would be easy for him to walk away, he needs to respect the fact that for me it would be a death, and something to grieve and heal from. Before I would have tried to do it his way to please him.

He does this thing where he hugs me and spends time with me. Then the next day avoids me. I feel this underlying anger at the way he is treating me and his emotional neglect.

I am getting to the point where I am going to tell him i do not want a divorce, but I do not want to be a roommate. I want to tell him he can choose to be my husband or move on with his life. I am getting weary of this situation.

I just don't know what to do.