AnotherStander - He wont hurt me. And if he did, at least it would be over.
Misty, are you saying you would prefer death over what you're going through? I know it's miserable, I've been there! But please please please understand that your life is VALUABLE, you are important to others, despite this mess you're going through your life DOES mean something. The hurt is absolutely horrible right now I know, but someday it will all seem like a bad dream.
Suicide is like a bad word in our society, but we should be able to talk about it openly and frankly. 2 or 3 months after BD I thought I was handling things pretty well and "recovered" when I was suddenly slammed with severe depression and anxiety without warning. My XW had been through depression before and said she felt like her insides were just a black hole, and man did I ever understand what she meant when I was going through it myself. I didn't feel pain or anger or happiness or anything, I just felt dead inside. And at that time I really thought that the best thing for my XW, myself and my kids was for me to be gone. I felt like everything was my fault, and with all the insurance I had on me they would be better off without me. THAT is the depression talking! I did what everyone should do in that situation- I went straight to my doctor and explained what I was going through. She evaluated me through an interview and some checklists, determined I was in situational depression and started me on a scrip for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I really do think that saved my life. A couple of weeks later I felt much better, and a month later felt like my normal, pre-BD self. After a few months I weaned off with the help of the doc and I've never gone through depression since (about 8 years now).
If you or anyone else reading this are suicidal then please do not hesitate to seek medical assistance.
