Riding the Wave 3

[wayfarer]

Sorry to hear about your Momma! You got snow yesterday? OMG! And then a big brunch? Sounds amazing.

Thank you ovrnbw, I appreciate that. Yes this is pretty typical for the upper Midwest. Usually not in to May, where I'm at, but not unheard of. And all in all it was a pretty amazing day.

I don't have the best handle on your situation. I would say to stay even tempered in regards to his actions. It's always encouraged to not mind read. I know you want to know what is going on and what it means, but it is hard to really know. Time will tell. I've been guilty of focusing on my spouse too much. I am trying to go back and continually turn that focus on to myself. It is hard sometimes. I try to remember to use my IC to make me better and not to piss and moan. But sometimes you just have have to vent too so it's not like I don't understand that.

That's not really a concern for me. I tend to play my cards very close to the vest. He crossed a lot of lines in the early days of this mess, and while I'm willing to piece myself out to him in doses, I don't really have my hopes set on any imagined future in particular. We are still very much in limbo. My arms are not wide open for a return. I'm simply receptive, cautiously hopeful and grateful for his good and/or husbandly behavior as we press on.

As far as IC shortly after H and OW split IC and I stopped spending a lot of time talking about the A or H. I update here because I don't even really talk to my supports about H any more either. We've been in this weird stalemate since quarantine started, so we're basically on week eight of "Well he stopped looking at apartments and asking if I'm financial prepared for him to leave. We have lots and lots of sex. We watch movies, play games, do puzzles, talk, and take long car rides. BUT he won't say I love you, cuddle me with any regularity, hold my hand and he's still sleeping on the couch most nights by choice." Even my best friend doesn't want to hear about it. I acknowledge that limbo is a long and arduous process, and don't really want to talk about it outside of this space if I'm not in crisis. IC says we (H and me) are in a pretty "neutral place,"and were prior to the stay at home orders, so we focus more on my mental health and what ever is on my mind that week. Lately a lot of childhood stuff, my grief, my depressive episode and my teenagers. But she likes to check in on the H situation. Or I bring up the quirky things that are nagging at me, things that I need to work through with her so I don't end up on Snapped or crying myself to sleep at night.

There's an old DB technique they used to call truth darts, and I think that is what Wooba was referrring to when she said "calling him out". Not that we need to be blunt and confrontational, but sometimes you just zip one in there.

I think the truth dart thing is something I need to work on instead of always letting him live in the reality he created for himself before and during the affair, and hoping he figures it out on his own eventually. I mean a lot of his narrative is falling apart on his own as he's trapped here with me. He's being forced to confront the fact that our MR wasn't as sh!t as he wanted to pretend it was, and neither am I as a wife, but the peripheral effects of his A seem to elude him and that might be the place I can allow myself to throw in a truth dart here and there when the situation calls for it.

Anyways, hope your Monday is full of green leaves and warm weather, not this snow...

Well we do have green leaves and sunshine. Not back up in the 70s though Thanks for the well wishes.