Just journaling. Mother's Day is always kinda hard for me. This is my 2nd Mother's Day without my mother. And god bless the Midwest, we had snow yesterday. It was in the 70s just a few days before that. People in my life really go out of their way to make sure I'm doing ok on Mother's Day, and I can't even say how blessed I feel I having the people in my life that I do. D17 and the girls in the upper made a big brunch for myself and and my neighbor. They did such a good job and no help from us. I was so proud. And it was super delicious. I got flowers from my grandmother. And assorted small gifts and cards from friends. It just made my heart burst. H went to a really nice chocolate shop and got me chocolate covered strawberries. This has been his go to I forgot to get something/just because I love you gift for a long time. But I haven't seen them since Valentine's Day 2019. I have to say I was incredibly surprised. I wasn't expecting anything. I'm not the mother of his child even if I do mother her, and things while pretty good are still strained. He must have told me Happy Mother's Day at least 5 times yesterday. He told me to think about what I want for dinner. Anything I want and he'd order it and go get it if they didn't do delivery. His whole family messaged me Happy Mother's Day messages. It just felt like a Mother's Day I haven't had in a long long time. It felt like a kind of day I haven't had in a long long time.
Oddly enough my IC and I spoke about H 's whole refusal to come back into the bed and the fact that we really don't talk about where we're at keeps me on edge most of the time this past week. My IC suggested since we never separated households, that he's always been here, that the MBR might be more symbolic to him than it is to me. That perhaps it's his finish line for coming back in 100%. That as hard as it is for me, at least I have a physical marker. Yesterday felt like another marker. I can't remember the last time he tried so hard. Part of me feels like an idiot for being so excited for him doing what a husband should be doing for his wife on Mother's Day. Part of me is incredibly grateful for how far we've come in the last 6 months. 6 months ago he couldn't tolerate being in a room with me. I was shouted at for fluffing our pillows too long when making the bed. Yesterday I was considered, I was given affection, and appreciated.
