Your mood appears to be inversely proportional to his level of perceived happiness.
This was kind of an indirect trigger and you already know the history I have with my kids. Several months ago I flipped out due to S19 not letting me know he was having dinner with H. It was bad. I discussed this in IC and her first question was "how long has it been since your last one?" I couldn't remember so I asked my kids and they said November 2018. I remember that day but look I made it over a year.
Yesterday S19 left at 5pm so I assumed he would eat there. If I had big dinner plans I would have discussed them with S19 before he left. S19 didn't have dinner there because he didn't want to upset me. That was the trigger.
I beat myself up for hours for being a bad mother and in the end it wasn't even true. S19 used me as an excuse to come home. Once the self flogging started I couldn't stop it. I'm working to manage my anxiety but the issue yesterday was I only had a few minutes.
Here is an example of what I do now. I want to get back into sewing but it's been 30 years. The first time I sat down at that machine I got upset and my anxiety went way up. I then decided I wouldn't sew again until I figured out how to manage my mood. Yesterday I decided to tackle sewing in bits and pieces. Over the course of the day I sat down at that machine 3-4 times walking away after each try. When it was time for dinner I put the machine up having accomplished pretty much nothing but it was okay at least I did something.
