CWarrior - Thanks! I had a lovely Mother's Day. Surrounded by family. my kids made me a card for the first time of their own volition (in the past H would remind them to make a card). It was cute, I overheard the eldest whispering to the other two about it and the middle one told me to stay away (from their card making session).
Pommy - Thank you. You will get there one day, you can't rush the process, you can only trust that you can. There is no skipping all the heartaches and sleepless nights. You'll have to drag your feet through it. But you will make it. Believe me.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
It's a long road parenting like that, but it's a lot easier when you can calmly remind yourself that they aren't capable of thinking as you do, loving as you do, feeling as you do. Meeting them where they are at, and being the solid, grounded parent makes all the difference.
This. After years I've actually finally arrived at this conclusion shortly before BD. I've always known that H is troubled, but it was hard for me to accept him for who he was. Then I finally realized that he is who he is, and I should not expect him to be the ideal father I have in my mind. But it was too late! Ha!
Originally Posted by wayfarer
Family of origin is something really, really hard to over come even in the best of circumstances. Best of circumstances being not just a desire to not be like those people, but and introspective active plan to not be like them.
my H fought hard all his life to be different from his family of origin. I would say he's successful on some level, but I think when you grow up with abuse, it is just a whole different story. Maybe he was successful at running away from it, but not at coming to terms with certain aspects of his childhood. There's a lot of residual anger and shame that he's carried all his life. That's why I am prepared to bid farewell because I know this is so hard to overcome for him.
Thank you wayfarer for your words. Honestly I really think the universe works in mysterious ways. Life presented this man to me for a reason. All the flaws and pain that he carries with him became part of my life, and in turn forced me to dig deeper within myself for self-examination. I have no regrets, only gratitude.