I'm no longer holding my breath for recon. It's a possibility that seems light years away. But I'm still digging deeper for patience and compassion. The patience is no longer about waiting for things to turn around, but is for all the necessary interactions with the father of my children who now might as well be an alien from outer space. The compassion is to remind myself that his illogical behavior and words are not personal, they come from a place of hurt. That's what makes me sad most of the time...how he's become someone who the old him would despise. How he tried so hard to escape from that dysfunctional family dynamic that he grew up with, but ultimately still ended up in the same place.
Let the chips fall where they may. Life is defined by impermanence, therefore we must learn to let go.
"There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heart burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that." - Mark Twain
It's really nice to see how calm and resolute you are right now. I hope you had a lovely weekend.
You will need patience and compassion in spades to co-parent those kids as they are pretty young and you have a long way to go with someone who will repeatedly choose themselves over their kids. Or their own desires over your boundaries. It's a long road parenting like that, but it's a lot easier when you can calmly remind yourself that they aren't capable of thinking as you do, loving as you do, feeling as you do. Meeting them where they are at, and being the solid, grounded parent makes all the difference.
Family of origin is something really, really hard to over come even in the best of circumstances. Best of circumstances being not just a desire to not be like those people, but and introspective active plan to not be like them. And even the most motivated of people still can fall flat to grow beyond what they know to be a whole, healthy, happy person. It's hard to rewire humans. It's even harder when that person doesn't know they need to be rewired, refuses to be rewired, or doesn't have the tools to rewire themselves.
All of this is going to be hard. Keeping your boundaries with H. Parenting with him. Going forward with D. But I'm super confident that you got this. You are so strong. And you're getting to be so zen with all of this. It's all going to turn out beautifully in the end for you, even with all this exhausting and painful exposition.
