And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

Wow. So much focus on him. You'll never ever make progress with this much focus on him. You have to bear down and forget about him. He's making choices that are selfish and are not in the best interest of those he is supposed to love. If he had acted like this when you first met him you would have told him to kick rocks. But now you're willing to put up with it. Ever stop to ask yourself why? I know you'd say you love him, but romantic love is not unconditional. There are things he could do that would cause you to toss him on his butt. Where is that line? Apparently he hasn't crossed that line yet, right? ....

One last thing. You can go your own way, do what comes naturally to you, and go through the same mistakes we all made. Or you can listen to us, those that have been through it and come out the other end. Some, like me, managed to save our marriages. Some ended up getting divorced. But we all saved ourselves!

Steve - yes, he is crossing that line After a beautiful Mothers Day, where he participated and even wanted to be with us as we went to Kerry Park and then to Alki to walk the beach, he snuck out (again) after he thought I was asleep. And I am devastated. Completely gutted.

And, I am so so afraid. All the threads I read here of when separation occurs sound so utterly full of pain - the very small interactions - hoping for texts and then agonizing whether to answer them. The dissecting of every moment spent and how to approach with DBing. And 'was this interaction handled right'? Reading into everything. So painful, too painful. Yet here I am in pain as well.

I think in my head that if he is here, he will see me and the changes and the effort, and will figure out that this other person is not what he wants. That the old adage 'he will never leave his wife to be with the mistress' is true and at the end of this he will come back. My mom went thru this, and I was about 16. He had an affair and it was awful for her. He didn't leave the house and in the end, he stopped seeing the OW, and it was just my parents again.

Reading the Mothers Day card he gave me, its like nothing has changed, we are a family again. And I am standing with one foot in how it used to be and what is going on now. And I don't know what to do. Is this part of 'in good times and in bad'? I don't know. I feel so alone at 4am, the pain is so intense - it just starts in your gut and radiates out to every extremity. How can someone you trusted, and loved, and would do anything for - do this? How could he be with us and part of our happiness today, and then go and do this? we had a great sex life (before) so (I think) not that...was it because I hurt him so much? is it because of this MLC thing? Does he really find happiness in this OWs arms? or is it just a salve for whatever he is going thru?

I don't have anyone to talk to - so I appreciate all your advice. I know exactly how Kate Spade felt.