And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

Misty, He is the only one that can control that timeline. You have to remember that you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him,

Job - I did break him! I know that. During the last years, I always thought it was him. At the start I thought I was the loving one, I was the caring one, I was the one who 'got it' relationship wise - and he sort of thought the same, so when I pointed out things going wrong in our relationship, it was because of him. If you just did this, or did this, it would be better. When that started to not work, we started to go to counselors - who after listening to these situations - would completely side with me. We jumped thru 3 counselors that consistently targeted him based on his reported behaviors, that if you would hear, you might say - that H is a bit of a jerk. We went to 3 counselors because when H could no longer stand a counselor and her conclusions that it was him we jumped to another. Of course, I felt vindicated through it all. I never said it out loud - but it was there - See? its all you H. Your the broke one!

But, I now know after much hard long introspection these past 2 months... these cheesy counselors did not dig deep enough...to see that it was me. Even I did not see that until now.

What I know now... He was silent and non communicative because I made him feel that he could not do anything right. He did not help in the house, because if he did, it wasn't done well enough for me. Honestly, I really thought that I was just being helpful, ie, do it this way b/c it works better if you do it that way. And when he had enough and did it the way he wanted, I interpreted it as negating me and that hurt my feelings, that he did not respect me to even listen to me. So I would rant on and on about how that made me feel insignificant without giving proper acknowledgement that I was just being controlling. The counselors only saw a wife being shut down and ignored by her husband, and even they rode him to be more understanding. I felt justified having all these 'professionals' fully endorse my POV. It was like, "yeah, see? YOUR the broke one, so try harder!". And he did - he tried. And in our circle of push and push back - we both felt we were trying - but it was all in vain - we were just on a carousel of doing the wrong thing over and over. He started to completely shut me out, so I would push harder to elicit some response - any response - but that would make him retreat further. I kept thinking, 'what a jerk!' and cry and feel sorry for myself. And he was on the other side, probably thinking, I can not make her happy, I can't do anything right. And then he broke.

So. I see. I see it all - and I am full of regret. I was not being helpful, I was being controlling! This was my contribution to the demise. I will have to say he has responsibility too. He has a strong narcissistic side to him. So I know he is not perfect - but I can only focus on what I can fix about myself.

In the end, I do believe I broke him.