Let me tell you that when you talk to friends they are going to say things that they think you want to hear because they care about you and they don’t want you to hurt anymore. They have not seen these situations play out hundreds of times like some of us have.
Don’t confuse guilt with remorse it’s not the same thing.
Chin up and move forward.
I get the friends thing... which is why I don't put a whole lot into it. Ultimately, I think his pause was more of one to see if he was forgetting anything and of course most of the time he is at the house he doesn't look at me so why would leaving be any different? It wouldn't.
He came and fixed the fence -- he didn't have to.
I didn't give him the blanket so that he will think of me ---- he already has a blanket I made him years ago. He has family photo books now. Whether or not if he thinks of me is up to him. He actually said thank you - which is a big deal for my H. I did not make any big deal of it. It was just part of a stack of photos and books I brought from the house to his truck. We can call it a thank you for the fence.
I guess if he sees me as weak and pathetic there isn't much I can do at the moment. I can assure that is not the vibe I was giving off. I wasn't hanging on every word. I was not at all pushing him into discussing us OR what was happening with the D. I didn't ask him anything I would not have said to my neighbor. He actually smiled and almost laughed today.
I'm starting to see that the random motorbike comment a few weeks ago and the comments today randomly if he needed to make me more dog treats...he blurts out wanting to do something for me, and then making sure I've got something to do on mother's day... there is some level of care there. He doesn't hate me.
But, those are his issues. I cannot count on him to make dog treats and I would never call him up and ask him where those dog treats are. I almost got the feeling that these things come out of his mouth without thinking about them first.
They are nothing for me to hang my hat on. They are just words. They are not actions. They will not slow me down. Its getting easier to go no contact. I'm to the point of not having anything to say.
Having a little sad evening. I felt so good all day, but it's been pointed out that my behavior was not what it should have been today. That I am still making myself look weak and pathetic.
Finally decided it was dark enough to crawl into bed.
I get a text from my step son who is overseas... he was asking how he should wash his Afghan I made him... of course I answer and check in on him. Now, I'm crying... with the S and most likely D I'm not sure how much if ever I will see my step son. But, not only does he appreciate my gift I made him years ago... he took it overseas with him.
My heart is full.
At the same time i grieve the loss of his dad and my blended family. Tomorrow is another day. 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
Hang in there. Even if the D happens it doesn’t mean your relationship with your step son is over and done with. I know how you feel. I know the longing. I know exactly what you want and what you “know”. It’ll be ok KC.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Horrible headache this morning.... the worst I've had in a decade.
Spent the morning in tears.
As wonderful as it was that my step son reached out to me last the more painful it became about my separation from my H/his dad. He was a challenging teen to raise and the fact that he had to learn to navigate between two households when there was so much animosity between his parents only made things worse for him. Despite trying to be good step parent I was the easy scape goat - the evil step mom. I'm grateful that as an adult he appreciates that no one is perfect and we are all learning our roles daily. I'm grateful he is comfortable reaching out to me.
He confided in me last night and asked that I not tell his dad (because he wanted to be the one to tell him directly). Of course I told him I would not say a thing to his dad and will respect his wishes. I found it odd because he knows and has expressed his sympathy to me over our break up. My step son also knows about OW as she and her children are active on his and his girlfriends social media. I don't know why he would have the impression that his dad and I speak at all right now???
I know that he texts/video calls his dad several times a week. Perhaps his dad has mentioned coming to the house to get more of his things. I don't know.
As weak and needy as I am right now... and how I'd love to ask my stepson if his dad discussed any of the S or D with him or where he was at right now.... I would never do that. I love and respect my step son. While I know my H confides a lot in him - I need to respect myself and not go there.
Today, I'm clearly confused. And, as for everything posted here -- If I'm confused about things it means there is no interest from H.
I'm lost in my thoughts but I will keep NC. I will keep moving forward and stop looking backward.
Happy Mother’s Day KC. I hope your headache clears up. And I pray you find peace and comfort. I understand the confusion. Big time. We all have those days. Keep the focus on you and your own personal healing and you will continue to make strides. The bad/confusing days will be less and less until one day they’ll be gone.
Hugs
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Happy Mother’s Day, KitCat. Glad your relationship with SS sounds like it will survive the D, that he trusts you and now recognizes you as much more than the “wicked stepmom”.
Happy Mother’s Day and I’m sorry about the headache.
You’re spinning again big time. You’re wasting mental energy. There is nothing to see here.
I am spinning. I'm just balling my eyes put today. My MIL texted me. I haven't cried like this for months. I just want to tell him I miss him. Ugh, that's so stupid.
I think seeing him yesterday was a HUGE set back.
I'm not acting any emotion - anxiety, fear. I will not break NC. I will dream with where I'm at today and accept it so I can keep moving forward.
I’m sorry your struggling. If I had to guess in the stages of grief you are coming out of denial so there is going to be some sadness. Just lean into it and let it all out. It will get better. I promise.
Yes, yesterday sucked!!!! Today the sun came up and its time to get on with things.
There is not to be a minute wasted. No more wasted time on why he texts what he does --- he is just trying to prove to himself he is a decent person... AND, the only people who need to prove they are decent are when they know deep down they are doing a terrible wrong.
I have nothing to prove. I did a terrible wrong too - but I owned it. I won't keep apologizing for it. I will rise above and through the work that I'm doing for myself I will be better. Everyone gets a little lazy and complacent... BUT, I was so there that I stopped caring about myself and in so doing that actually became I stopped caring about him. What a fool i was, but I'm a fool no more.
The best way for me to move forward is to care about myself. If I feel good about myself then I'm outwardly happy. I'm outgoing. I smile more. I exude energy. I'm cute. I'm sexy. I'm playful. I'm more flexible with what's thrown at me. <<<<< this is who I was when we dated and married. He hit the jackpot!!!! And, he knew it.
I accept that there will be good days and bad ones. I will be thrown off course by a random text. But, I will pick myself up and get back on the treadclimber. One day there will be a time he will look over his shoulder with regret and loss because there I am!!! That adventerous girl who was so full of herself she showed off her flirty stripped bra on the way to dinner that first night after knowing her for 10min AND you just couldn't keep your eyes off of her because she glowed!!!!
One day there will be a time he will look over his shoulder with regret and loss because there I am!!! That adventerous girl who was so full of herself she showed off her flirty stripped bra on the way to dinner that first night after knowing her for 10min AND you just couldn't keep your eyes off of her because she glowed!!!!