Horrible headache this morning.... the worst I've had in a decade.
Spent the morning in tears.
As wonderful as it was that my step son reached out to me last the more painful it became about my separation from my H/his dad. He was a challenging teen to raise and the fact that he had to learn to navigate between two households when there was so much animosity between his parents only made things worse for him. Despite trying to be good step parent I was the easy scape goat - the evil step mom. I'm grateful that as an adult he appreciates that no one is perfect and we are all learning our roles daily. I'm grateful he is comfortable reaching out to me.
He confided in me last night and asked that I not tell his dad (because he wanted to be the one to tell him directly). Of course I told him I would not say a thing to his dad and will respect his wishes. I found it odd because he knows and has expressed his sympathy to me over our break up. My step son also knows about OW as she and her children are active on his and his girlfriends social media. I don't know why he would have the impression that his dad and I speak at all right now???
I know that he texts/video calls his dad several times a week. Perhaps his dad has mentioned coming to the house to get more of his things. I don't know.
As weak and needy as I am right now... and how I'd love to ask my stepson if his dad discussed any of the S or D with him or where he was at right now.... I would never do that. I love and respect my step son. While I know my H confides a lot in him - I need to respect myself and not go there.
Today, I'm clearly confused. And, as for everything posted here -- If I'm confused about things it means there is no interest from H.
I'm lost in my thoughts but I will keep NC. I will keep moving forward and stop looking backward.
