may, I did end up taking your advice and telling H that I will not join them for dinner. It was a bit strange because when I called him about it, we ended up talking back and forth about cancelling the dinner and ordering in (him) vs stick to the original plan (me). I'm giving him his alone time with the kids! Why the fuss over such a simple thing?
The past week was strange. H called me every.single.day. about logistics, kids, generally things that there's either no immediate need to call and inform me about, or just irrelevant.
I'm no longer holding my breath for recon. It's a possibility that seems light years away. But I'm still digging deeper for patience and compassion. The patience is no longer about waiting for things to turn around, but is for all the necessary interactions with the father of my children who now might as well be an alien from outer space. The compassion is to remind myself that his illogical behavior and words are not personal, they come from a place of hurt. That's what makes me sad most of the time...how he's become someone who the old him would despise. How he tried so hard to escape from that dysfunctional family dynamic that he grew up with, but ultimately still ended up in the same place.
Let the chips fall where they may. Life is defined by impermanence, therefore we must learn to let go.
"There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heart burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that." - Mark Twain
