I did point out that H didn't know how to parent a teen because he essentially didn't have parents looking after him then, and also that they have one parent who is there for them no matter what. Then they talked about how H uses money to reward and threaten them, and I said it's about the only way he knows how to show love, but also that it's about control. They said 'he gives us money but then says we're spoilt' and I said that was all about his own background and not their problem.
It’s great that your children are smart and observant of H’s behavior. My children are not old enough to question his bs yet. So I wonder what that dynamic will be like in a couple of years once my eldest becomes a teen. The money is totally about control, my H does the same thing. I think he’s also telling himself that he’s still contributing to this household and being a father because he’s “paying for all of this.” Ugh. And he’s buying them candies and junk food (he used to hate that) when he sees them, because that’s the only way he knows how to show love now.
Originally Posted by dillydaf
So, I drafted an email to the lawyer last week, not sent it as every time I looked at it I felt sick. I can predict that if I file H is going to explode with anger and be as nasty as possible. I love him but I can't sit round expecting him to change, his behaviour yesterday was a reminder of all the negative stuff he splattered over me and the kids for years on end. If he can't look inside himself he is going to be a lonely old man. But then it won't be my problem any more. Having seen how his mum is still refusing to take responsibility for her MLC behaviour 30 years ago and still blaming everything and everyone except her, I can predict that if he doesn't have the strength he will end up just like her. That would be so sad, not having a single person in the world who loves you because you refuse to look at yourself.
Filing D is not an easy decision, even if you already know that you don’t want to wait around forever. My H is so much like yours in this way - he used to talk about all these things he hates about his mother, now he’s behaving like a carbon copy of her. It is very sad.
Dillydaf, you’re doing the right thing by protecting yourself legally and financially. Good luck ((hugs))!
