Let me tell you that when you talk to friends they are going to say things that they think you want to hear because they care about you and they don’t want you to hurt anymore. They have not seen these situations play out hundreds of times like some of us have.
Don’t confuse guilt with remorse it’s not the same thing.
Chin up and move forward.
I get the friends thing... which is why I don't put a whole lot into it. Ultimately, I think his pause was more of one to see if he was forgetting anything and of course most of the time he is at the house he doesn't look at me so why would leaving be any different? It wouldn't.
He came and fixed the fence -- he didn't have to.
I didn't give him the blanket so that he will think of me ---- he already has a blanket I made him years ago. He has family photo books now. Whether or not if he thinks of me is up to him. He actually said thank you - which is a big deal for my H. I did not make any big deal of it. It was just part of a stack of photos and books I brought from the house to his truck. We can call it a thank you for the fence.
I guess if he sees me as weak and pathetic there isn't much I can do at the moment. I can assure that is not the vibe I was giving off. I wasn't hanging on every word. I was not at all pushing him into discussing us OR what was happening with the D. I didn't ask him anything I would not have said to my neighbor. He actually smiled and almost laughed today.
I'm starting to see that the random motorbike comment a few weeks ago and the comments today randomly if he needed to make me more dog treats...he blurts out wanting to do something for me, and then making sure I've got something to do on mother's day... there is some level of care there. He doesn't hate me.
But, those are his issues. I cannot count on him to make dog treats and I would never call him up and ask him where those dog treats are. I almost got the feeling that these things come out of his mouth without thinking about them first.
They are nothing for me to hang my hat on. They are just words. They are not actions. They will not slow me down. Its getting easier to go no contact. I'm to the point of not having anything to say.
