Cute little white top with nips showing... H will not be able to look away... that man loved my boobs... LOL.
He will be here shortly to work on the fence and move out more items. I'm cool as a cucumber. I know that I can only work on and change myself.... I have no control of his thoughts, his plans, his idea of happiness or his future. That is all up to him. BUT, I can make him doubt... I can make him question by being the amazing person I am and should have been in our M. I can smile beautifully today and give off those vibes and sense of self confidence from our first date... he was sooooo nervous that night.
For any future for our M two things have to happen. 1) I have to get it. I do. I'm working through my guilt and shame. I'm owning my short comings and where I could have been more kind. I'm putting myself in my H's shoes and seeing where he started to feel like a paycheck and just a means to end. I can see how he was burnt out on the commute. I can approach him and our M with new found respect and dedication.
2) He has to be willing to risk it again. --- This I have no control of - this is where I walk away and let him figure out his own crap. ^^^^ That's hard to do but I accept it. I'm letting him go to figure it out as painful and hard as it is.
I'm moving forward. Accepting where things are at currently. But, I can hope he drives away today thinking #$&*$# what did I just walk away from...
Hugs to everyone out there today. Keep me in your thoughts as I trudge through this Saturday.
