Me: Look W, I dont like the way we have talked the last few occasions, I dont want our R to go that way.
You handled the conversation great. This ^^^^ statement was important, b/c it points to the reason for your hasty departure. Not that you were required to give her a reason, but I think you did very well. Next time, it won't be necessary to tell her.
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Am I being to harsh by not even wanting to stop with her anymore? I am truly confuse with the friend thing.
No, I don't think you were harsh.
I think you need lay aside the thoughts of being her friend, or seeing it as a channel of restoring the relationship. How can you be a friend to someone who rejects you? Think about it. Have you ever pursued a person to be friends, when that person wanted nothing to do with you? You cannot be friends with someone who hates you and uses every opportunity to make digs and throw hurtful remarks in your face. You have to show self respect, and not follow her around when she's speaking badly, giving you the cold shoulder, etc. You tried being friendly, in times past, and she reacted even worse. Therefore, time & space is needed before she will be ready to conduct herself in a calm, respectable manner. If she heals from the bitterness she holds in her heart, then perhaps it will be possible to become friends, but I think it will take her a long time to let go of her anger.
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I havent heard back from her, maybe she is to proud to ever admit she was wrong and our family is worth putting the effort. We never went to C, never lived appart before the separation, but it has been 6 months now living alone and I dont see a hint of a change in her, too bad because I spend less and less nights thinking about her side of the bed.
I don't think you'll see change in her for a couple of years, if she is not in therapy trying to heal. I realize 6 months feels forever to you, but by all accounts.....she is not processing her thoughts/feelings in a healthy way. She continues to verbally bash you, and it gets her nowhere. She may never get beyond this point with you, b/c she wants you to hurt and letting go of her anger would be like letting you escape pain free.
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I keep talking about exercise but now that I can go out to run it is even better. I renewed my wardrobe, slim pants, new shirts, new t-shirts, shoes... the whole pack and I have forced myself to put on an air of confidence and happiness despite the nights when I cannot sleep and memories destroy me.
Great job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
