Yes, he fired you as his wife and lover. Now, you have to figure out how to detach a bit more from your situation. I am going to be very frank w/you, it wouldn't matter what you said or did, he's going to take it the wrong way. You can tell him the sky is blue and he'll have something negative to say. If you are afraid of him, then make the dinner and have it sitting on the stove. Do not wait for him to come in to eat. You and your family eat when it is time to eat. Leave him to his situation. Learn to view him as a roommate who is having a bad day. If he doesn't talk to you, then leave him be. If he asks you a question, answer is very plain language, do not elaborate on the topic. Right now, he's the exact opposite of the man you married and he's going to be that way for quite some time.
It is very normal for them to demonize the spouse. They are lashing out and want you to take the blame for the breakdown of the marriage...but it takes to to make a marriage work and if one of them is out there acting out and looking for something outside of the marriage, then it is their responsibility to look at themselves and within to realize that happiness doesn't come from outside sources but from within. Your h is going to continue to come at you each and every chance he gets because he feels guilty, ashamed and yes, pressured into coming back into the relationship. Do not take what he says personally unless there is some truth to some of the things he says. Believe nothing he says and only 1/2 of what he does right now.
He thinks he has the power over you and sounds like he is enjoying being a big bully. Don't allow him to do this to you. When he starts those rants, just say, "I'm sorry you feel the way that you do" and then leave him to himself. Find something else to do, go for a drive, but you do not have to put up w/that nonsense. The more he sees you breaking down, the more he will do so. It's his way of pushing you away from him. He doesn't want to feel anything for you...thus, the bully tactics.
To be honest, I don't recommend any IC sessions together for now. He's just going and having selective hearing as to what he wants to hear and yes, he's going to these sessions because it's something he can fling back in your face at some point and say "I went to the sessions and now I'm done", etc. If I were you, I would continue my individual sessions because until the other person is completely out of his life and he's ready to recommit, he's just going to listen and not follow through on anything the DB counselor or any other counselor has to say.
Dig deeper for patience, watch your bank and credit card accounts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
