I read your whole post the other day. It reminded a lot of my situation. I had built up a lot of negativity over the years and then my wife had enough and finally bomb dropped me one day.
My biggest rules for you are:
1. No more ILY's 2. No more pressure 3. No peacocking
It means a lot to find someone with a similar story. I have combed through a lot of posts (but still tip of the iceberg), and couldn't find one that totally resonated with mine. I think I've been following these rules, but can you elaborate more on "no more pressure" and "no peacocking." I definitely get the general idea, but just wondering if you have any more specifics.
I have been reading the rules everyday and have been maintaining my poise. Copy of DR is in the mail. Only one R talk so far that she initiated where I made sure to validate as much as possible and gave her the "I don't agree with this but if it's what you want I accept it." Unfortunately, it also tapped into her (very strong) logical mind and I could tell the resistance was starting to build - she still insists we are two different people who aren't capable of meeting each other's needs. This is when I gave her the "I don't agree with this but..." and ended the convo. Overall, there has still be warmth and she has started to ask me where I've been going during the day.
My priority has been working on me, and reflecting and learning from all the mistakes I made during the relationship. Lots of reading and journalling the last few days. I had been in denial for a long time, but nothing brings clarity quite like a BD after you get through the initial fog.
I am definitely in LRT territory. No doubt about that. She already found a new apartment and I am about to sign a lease today. I have stopped pursuing and have just been keeping it as light and playful as possible without being cold or distant. GALing has never been a problem for me. If anything, I've prioritized too much GALing during the relationship and we/she was on the backburner for a long-time. And the wait and see. Yep. Gotta accept this is what is happening, take it one step at a time, and see what happens.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Learn how to validate. Learn how to be still and calm instead of filling in the silence. Learn active listening. Learn how to bite your tongue. And be very, very patient. I don't care how stubborn she is I can tell she is not totally gone so you do this right and you do it right now. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Indeed. Been working on validation the last few days too. I had been doing the opposite leading up to the BD. Can't control the outcome, but I can control the process. Thanks for your advice.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
It sounds like she still has feelings for you and no affairs. I believe you have a shot.
This was my initial instinct, but I wasn't sure if reading into it too much. Thanks for the insight.
