Well. after my last episode of feeling like sh1t, and finally feeling like we're another step closer to D after our talk, the last few days I have changed my attitude about interacting with H. I don't even want to talk to him like he's the friendly neighborhood cashier anymore. I don't even want to make small talk. I'm not sure if I want to save my M at this point.
This is pretty much exactly how I’ve been feeling the last week, wooba. I’m over small talk and don’t feel like interacting. I’m feeling like there is no marriage to save at this point if H is so far gone. (Still have some wish that in the future, H will come back to some semblance of the man I knew, but also be able to cope with and express emotions, but that just feels like more wishing than hoping right now).
Wayfarer, I also wanted to say I needed to hear what you wrote to wooba about talking to people—I realized I spend too much energy worrying about if saying x or y to some friend will reflect badly on H and mess up some future chance for him to own up to his behavior, but, really, what about caring for myself now? What if I need support? Meanwhile H gets to present himself to others however he chooses, so differently than he presents himself to me, which I guess I should just accept. I also know it doesn’t always make me feel better to talk, because, like wooba says, often people can’t understand because they’ve never been through something like this.
wooba, I second what May says about going to dinner. If what you’d really like is to have that time to yourself, stay home!
