It is nice to see D14 tell her Mom that yes, she would like to leave. It takes time for kids to find their voice, and courage to speak it.
Originally Posted by rooskers
I hide most of it from D14 but the anxiety and hurt I see when my daughter is going through so much pain is starting to cause problems with my health.
Yes, there is anxiety and hurt. You can talk to D14, age approximately of course. You don’t need to hide all your feelings or share all your feelings. It is good when Dad is seen as a feeling person too.
Originally Posted by rooskers
I just let D14 know that I will always be by her side and validate her struggles and feelings. I try to encourage her to talk to her therapist about this as well. What else can I do?
Keep listening to your daughter.
Sometimes, to a daughter, you’re supposed to know exactly what to do (or at least appear to), and other times you’re not suppose to know (or at least appear not to). And no, I don’t have a nice cheat sheet for figuring out which time is which.
My daughter is days away from being 18, and Mom left her when she was 15. Looking back (and somewhat forward) I’ll share some thoughts:
These poor hurt daughters have so many changes already happening in their young lives. Their mind, heart, and body are changing. Then heap a crazy Mom on top of all that; the very person she would have looked to for advice and her role model in this time.
Yes, your D14 has struggles and feels. Listen and discuss (not necessarily solve).
Another big thing to do - help and encourage D14 to find her voice. At 14 she gets a say in where, when, and who she visits. There really is no need for forced visits. I think the visits are twice a month and not over night. Ask D14 if she is ok with those arrangements.
Finding their voice and confidence at 14 is a big stretch. The seeds are getting sowed. Nurture. Grow a strong stable young woman.
For what it’s worth. At 16 things change a lot. Driving license provides new freedom. (Oh there is probably a boyfriend somewhere in here too) They really start standing up on their own. 17-18 and beyond, yep young women, birth control, sex, moving out - all happening or soon to be happening.
In four, shorter than you imagine years, D14 is D18. Just think of who she will be. It’s quite amazing how they grow up and heal so well.
That is the road she is on, and you want her upon. What else can you do? Walk with her.
Bra and panty shopping, grad dress shopping, shoe shopping, OMG so much shopping!!! Oh yeah, girls, right.
I love how you immediately allowed her to cut your hair. That was perfect.
Be there for her first broken heart, while she stands in the rain, hair plastered to her face, her tears lost amidst the rain drops flowing down her cheeks.
Be so very patience and kind as she learns to drive your car.
Hold her accountable when she gets a speeding ticket.
Eat the burnt muffins she attempted to make.
Absolutely love the later batch of muffins she perfected.
Hold her hand and head when she is throwing up after drinking too much.
Be kind and love her, as she lashes out and “hates” you.
Be there, always.
Be Dad.
Be a role model.
Walk with her.
And when, at another sooner than you imagine time, you walk with her down the aisle she’ll be so very happy having the best Dad in the world.
What else can you do? Don’t let this rob her of a healthy and full life. Or you either.
Walk with her.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
