By no less than 24 hours after the spewing, with what I’ve learned here, I was feeling much better and stronger. Emotions do change. His words lost much of their power over me. And as many of you pointed out, next time I can (and I will) just walk away. No point in me sticking around so he can yell.
Great stuff Cardinal...it’s hard to change but we are slowly learning and succeeding at what we need to do for self preservation. Way to go!
Originally Posted by cardinal
That said, what lingers: how much pain he must be pushing away, to lash out in the ugly way he did, someone who has always been nothing but generous and unconcerned about money, who earlier this week was telling me I’d made the best bread ever, was offering me tea, etc etc. I don’t believe he goes around hating me all of the time, that he always thinks it’s awful and unfair that I live here. I think he is not happy with himself, and the pressure comes and goes, and he explodes and then leans into drinking and fantasy friend life.
I feel this exact same way and I do think you are correct. I remember early on one of the veterans talking about the pressure that builds up in them and I believe this is when we get “monstered” or when they crank up the running behaviour again. I see it and def live it....
Originally Posted by cardinal
And I arrive at: How can he ever think what he’s done is forgiveable? How do MLCers who get so far from themselves work their way out of this tunnel and then think they can reconnect after all the drama? It’s more obvious than ever that I didn’t break him and can’t fix him. He has a lot of anger and hurt to work through. I have been neutral toward him, not hateful, since. That feels like all I can do. That and make another fabulous loaf of bread.
I struggle with this too Cardinal especially when the only answer is to leave him be...let him sort himself out. I don’t see H doing that because he never has looked inward and wouldn’t know where to start. I hope I’m wrong for his sake. But the advice here is spot on and we’ve seen examples of what happens when we get “too close” again. The person they are putting all of the blame onto will have an impossible time making them see reason....I think anyway, especially while MLC has its claws in them.
Fabulous loaf of bread, brownies and some beverages on my deck with Cardinal while our husbands’ vape....it makes me smile every time I picture it! Lol!
