@Wooba - I dont think asking/knowing a departure date to not be here for my sake and the kids is considered pursuing. Begging and pleading not to go would be. @Wooba - A spouse does not just Walk Away from a happy marriage, right? there were issues per him, that revolve around me - for that I am willing to apologize for.
THE NEXT DAY: I blew it...
I purposely left my phone in his car to find where he would go on outings. The sheer anxiety of every minute not knowing was really unbearable. He asked me about it, and I was honest and told him. He was MAD to say the least, and treated me with unkindness, even after all the forgiveness and kindness I have shown him.
So, after saying he would stay and try & even go to counseling...he left last night from 12am to 5am and snuck back in...I came out of my room this morning, and the wedding ring is on the kitchen table. I am afraid to come out of my room as what he will say - clearly he is about to walk out the door. This is so incredibly painful, its like going thru a meat grinder, both emotionally and physically. Even though I thought I would be okay when it happened - I am just not.
PLEASE HELP! Do I confront him on his outing last night? Do I say anything about the ring? or his planned counselor session with a DB counselor? How do I handle this?!
thank you!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me: 50 Husband: 49 D: 16 S: 13 Married for 23 years D Day: Feb 25th 2020 Emotional & Physical affair Dec 2019 - Feb 2020
So....you nitpick Wooba about whether asking a departure data is pursuing or not.....and then leave your phone in his car to track him.
I think you are splitting hairs when clearly you are still in pressure and pursuit mode. If you are willing to leave your phone in his car to track him, then I find it hard to believe your pinning him down on a departure date was an altruistic effort for the sake of your kids.
MS, one of the first things that a LBS has to start being is honest with themselves. Almost everything we do as LBS early in our situations is for us. Even if we spin it that it is for the kids, or it was an honest question, or we were looking out for our WAS. Once you can admit that your actions aren't pure then you can start to change them. For the better.
Reread this.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Next you want to remove all pressure and pursuit. This is goal #1. If you feel the urge to do something, stop and ask yourself "does this fall under pressure and pursuit?" If yes, then do no do it. If maybe, do not do it. If you have any doubt, do not do it! Remember, doing nothing IS doing something. Most things you will be tempted to do are pressure and pursuit. So default to doing nothing.
The more you move away from him (by not pressuring and pursuing) the more he will move towards you. Read the distance/pursuit dynamic thread. It is legit.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
