HIgh Levels of Acceptance

[sage]

Wanted to post what feels like a big positive to me.

H mentioned last night that he and a friend (m) had planned to go out to dinner Friday night. Cool. Well, h forwarded me the email from this friend in the process of asking a question (whether or not h could borrow my cell). I'm not sure if I can adequately explain how important and positive this feels to me...the email conversation was innocuous but it just felt like a big deal...kind of a peak into h's close-to-the-vest email life.

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

It's true that my stressness, my "lack" of easygoingness has been something that I've been noting and trying to change for a while...I can FEEL that I've relaxed a great deal and it's WONDERFUL that h has not only NOTICED and MENTIONED but that he thinks I'm even MORE easygoing than I DO!!!!

I was just thinking about this this am as I was listening to KLA #3! This is a huge area where I need to work. It's paying back dividends for you!!!

Oh, about the other thing.....here's one of my favorite sites...http://www.askdrsears.com

I don't know if it's hypertext...don't quite know how.

Have a great day!
Minnie

[sage]

Oh, about the other thing.....here's one of my favorite sites...http://www.askdrsears.com

You trying to ply me with pics of grinning babies???

Sage

[minnie1]

You trying to ply me with pics of grinning babies???

hee, hee...oh, not at all!

Just trying to push Attachment Parenting. You would be a wonderful mommy.

Minnie

[sage]

Mentioned the very big positive of h forwarding me an email he got...this feels like a big, old not-so-babystep to me.

h's last exam was last night (and his first day of work is today!)...I had school too so I didn't have much time to prep but we did have a half bottle of champagne in the fridge so I got that all ready after class. He was very surprised and pleased (I think) by my marking the event with a celebration.

Got a date tonight!

Sage

[debcb]

Hi Sage, I just got to skim through your thread here. I've read bits and pieces of your other threads, but you are always such and inspiration. I never post much to you because I don't know what I could add.
I sure have a question though---How do/did you get your H to ask you out on dates? that's one of my dreams! was he always like that? I can't remember if I asked you before, but were you 2 separated at one time? How long have you been dbing?

I got a lot out of your thoughts on giving up the "shoulds"...I've tried to work on that for my H since I started dbing, and I feel like that is part of what caused problems for me/us.....thanks as always for your inspiration.
Deb

[sage]

Hi Deb,

I sure have a question though---How do/did you get your H to ask you out on dates? that's one of my dreams! was he always like that? I can't remember if I asked you before, but were you 2 separated at one time? How long have you been dbing?

let's see...no, was he always like that? well, he was probably like that in the beginning and then my overeagerness and desire for control probably squashed his initiative but now he's back to doing it. How did we get back there? well...probably a bunch of things...I stopped trying to control every aspect of our lives (including our dates!), I showed genuine enthusiasm for whatever he suggested when he DID suggest something, and I would suggest things that would appeal to his interests and desires not just mine.

No, we have never separated (knock wood). I've been DB'ing since 12/02 and was actually pretty quickly able to see real progress by dropping the rope, the need for control, the overanxiousness, etc.

I got a lot out of your thoughts on giving up the "shoulds"...I've tried to work on that for my H since I started dbing, and I feel like that is part of what caused problems for me/us.....thanks as always for your inspiration.
Deb

well..thanks for the kind words.

Dropping the shoulds and the expectations has been a tremendous boost for me and my m. I'm sure h appreciates it too!

Sage

[rottzilla]

Sage, I only pray that one day I am here (where you are) with my H. I have faith, but it is so hard to see into the future. I didn't know it's been so long for you. I've only been at it for two months. Boy am I impatient.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for opening my eyes to my lack of patience (again) and for being such a wonderful teacher and inspiration.

When I saw www.askdrsears.com I thought it was one of my favorite sites. How funny, it's about babies. My site is www.drsears.com - which is a weight loss site. LOL

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

Just wanted to drop in and say thank you for all the wonderful, support, advice and encouragement you have been for me during this long process.

Wanted you to know you are much appreciated.

Have a wonderful weekend.

[sage]

Just a sunday update...I'm sitting at work waiting to see if my project team (school) sends out an updated file for me to work on...yawn! I've been in school the last two days taking an intensive class on business forecasting...my brain is completely fried and I'm mildly grumpy...the whole weekend feels like it's been consumed with statistical models and lecture! I just want to go home and climb into bed but I don't think that's possible!

Let's see...Friday I had class and h went out after day2 of his job with a friend...he was so affectionate when he came home...we sat on the couch and caught up and snuggled. it was a very good thing! (++)

Yesterday I was also in school while -- from all appearances -- h spent the day working around the house...he accomplished a TON but I'm thinking (hoping) that he also had some time to relax, too...he's been running all out with exams and his new job...and tomorrow he starts school again! Yikes!

We had a "wine tasting" with some friends last night...this is something we do every few months...last night it was champagne tasting...lots of good drinks and food! (OK, too much food!). We still got home fairly early and went to bed...both of us got woken up by an amazing thunder and lightening storm! Yikes, scary!

So, like I said...I'm at work now waiting for a file.. I can't wait to get home and relax...h is playing baseball right now...hopefully they're winning!

Lots of good chat and squeezes from h in the little time we've been alone over the last few days...I told him yesterday that his letting me know how much he loves spending time with me...and misses it when he can't is such a big positive for me...also, he assured me that next weekend (it's a LONG one!) would be filled with us doing "fun stuff"!



Sage