Doing my thing & keeping a smile

[wooba]

This means he won’t have the opportunity to monster at you, or take anything you say the wrong way. No contact can be healing. Of course you’ll have some contact about childcare arrangements, but I bet you’ll feel more peaceful.

I do feel that I need to go NC to heal. I was a mess after our last talk about finances. As much as I've detached, at the moment all the emotions came crashing. So I'm debating whether to hand it entirely over to a L or just communicate with H via e-mail regarding money from this point forward.

He doesn’t seem to be able to cope with marital /parental responsibilities but is not craving any “new life”? It’s just enough for him to remove himself from the home and return when he feels he can cope? Is he having IC?

Nope, H refuses to my suggestions to IC (this is months ago when I still tried to help him). I don't know if there is a new life he's craving. I know work wise he has some kind of fantasy of switching jobs in his head, but reality is that it's very unlikely.

Practically abandoning his children in the middle of his emotional crisis and definitely abandoning your MR is not something he can keep quiet and quietly slink back into your old life with minimal shame. You're dealing with and addict who is very likely in MLC. You need people.

I have just never been the type who find sharing therapeutic. Most of my sharing my M issues has a purpose, such as when I was going to have the $ talk, I first spoke to a friend who has already separated from her H so I could pick her brain about this topic. Other times it's like when my friend or my mom ask for updates, I'd oblige and give them "highlights." For the most part I guess I just feel like other people cannot relate because they've never been through something like this.

And I bet your H was someone who was always logical before this?

super. logical. but I have noticed that started to deteriorate over the last few years. Now it's just full on crazy sometimes.