This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

OG, welcome back. Sounds like the Friend Zone. I don't remember all of your situation, but could his sexual energy be somewhere else? Even if just virtually? Does he have a porn addiction?

Remember, the definition of a wayward spouse is one who wants his cake, and eat it to. If he is expending his sexual energy elsewhere, and yet looking to you for the wifely companionship and friendship that should along with that, then you need to start standing up for yourself.

Does he hide his phone? Keep it locked and close by? Is secretive with his usage? Does he take it into the bathroom? Is he in the bathroom for long periods of time?

Having dealt with infidelity before, so I don't live in the "it can't happen to me" world anymore. I also remember well what that looks like. He doesn't hide his phone, he leaves it out and i have the passcode. He often has me text people for him like when he is driving. During this quarantine he has been working from home and he is always on the phone - where i can hear - in the next room. Its possible, but i dont think so. I am always on the lookout for it (thank you trauma). I honestly think if he is cheating on me it's with a fantasy. An ideal woman because the grass is greener on the other side.
He's been home for over a month so there hasn't been an opportunity for someone on the side physically.

What is frustrating for me is he is still in a pattern where I get the blame for whatever is wrong or whatever connection doesn't happen. For example, when I asked him why he was choosing the "roommate" path he got defensive and asked if there was something I was possibly doing to keep him from connecting. I thought, Im guessing the answer is yes ((roll eyes)).

Today he reached out to me and gave me a hug twice. That was a shocker. But I try not to get too excited about it. I am trying hard to work on valuing myself. And not needing to be happy based on how he feel about me.