KC, I'm afraid LH is more than likely right on the timeline. It could very well be years before your H comes out of whatever he's going through. Even if it's not years, it is at least the one year you're talking about as your cutoff. So let me ask you this- if you absolutely knew there was no chance of recon in the one year timeline you set, then what would you be doing differently right now? Because whatever the answer to that is, that's probably what you should be doing. You set this deadline and you are giving yourself anxiety over it thinking you must generate some kind of change in your H through your actions before the year passes you by. But you can't change him, and you won't, and he's not going to change himself in a year.
I realize that a year is not very long but I think that is the most time I can get before he will finalized the D. That's my deal breaker. I soul searched many days to figure what my deal breakers truly were.
I'm really making progress every day to drop the rope... I'm disconnecting more. Once he is completely moved out there will be absolutely no reason to contact - we share nothing unless he agrees to shared custody of the puppy.
Its sinking in that if he is reaching out - there is an underlying need that HE needs. Its nothing about me. I have to stay even keeled no mater what he does. Even though I shouldn't have said anything about the household chores - my tone was flat. I tried to mirror him most of the time. The only time I didn't is when I cracked a joke... attempted to crack a joke...
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So today with the text this morning... did he forget all the info I gave his on Sunday?
He probably didn't forget, he just didn't absorb the info. He doesn't care about what you say right now so probably only briefly scans over your messages. You know how when you listen to the stereo or TV and a really aggravating commercial comes on that you hate, so you turn the volume down really low? You're that annoying commercial to him right now.
I get that. Thanks for pointing that out. I just a gnat buzzing around.
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Also note how brief his messages to you are. He asked the tumor question in the most minimal way possible. Here's a challenge for you- if you answer at all, answer even shorter. In the case of this question, a simply "yes" would have sufficed as a response.
Advice taken. I will only respond in kind... and only if its something that requires a response.
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No, I think he quite literally meant what he asked. He wanted to know if the tumor would go away, period. That's it. There was no ulterior motive, no temp check, no him sitting by the phone hoping desperately that you'll reply. Sometimes things are exactly as they appear! Don't fill in the gaps with wild imaginings!
Yes - I do need to stop filling in the gaps. I have no idea what he is thinking, feeling or doing. I've gotten better at that today!
I appreciate all the advice. I will make it - with or without him.
