Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[may22]

Pommy, I'm sorry. This back and forth has got to be so exhausting. I hope you can continue to work on detaching and let his issues be his issues until it makes sense for you to actually worry about them. Sounds like he isn't quite there yet.

He still says he feels deep down he wants to be with me, that he wants his children to be part of a family unit, but there is this feeling that he can’t connect with me intimately.

UGH. I'm sorry, that not being able to connect part just feels like such BS. Get the F over it, H. You choose to work on it or you don't.

FWIW, my H said this up and down and right and left for months-- the impossibility of having those feelings again for me. I just kept holding to my position, which was... you won't know until you try, and you can't really try until the third party is completely out of our lives. Once she is gone and we give it some time, then we can see if we can re-start that part of our relationship again. But I completely understood why he felt like this since he's emotionally connected to someone else-- until that connection has been severed, how could he reconnect with me?

I'm sorry. Hang in there and remember you are going to be 100% fine no matter what. His wishy-washy-ness isn't very attractive. Remember he tends to lean in when you lean out, so maybe you need to really keep the gas pedal pressed on detaching and not letting him back for kissing etc until you're confident he isn't still waffling. And if he never gets there? You haven't wasted any time in focusing on healing yourself.