Part 2......... (Illidin, please read my previous post.)
I want you to know that the other board members (that I've seen) do not write like I do........which, you'll be glad to hear. I don't want you to think I'm trying to be some wannabe therapist, b/c that's not the case....even if you may think I sound it.
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I realize that now even more than before as people here kind of treat me like a unique case, at least feel that way. Unfortunately I did always view it as a positive, I took pride in the fact that social norms didn't control me. That ive never really felt a lot pressure to do things I don't want to do because other people feelings towards me don't really affect me that strongly.
I want to touch on what you said here, b/c in my previous post I talked about some people appearing socially awkward and how people misjudge them as being weird. If your conduct, decision-making, etc., was based on your core values and moral integrity........then be proud. Nobody is saying you need to follow the crowd just so you feel like you fit somewhere. That's exactly what we try to teach children, right? Do what is right, not what is popular.
I haven't seen anyone here treating you differently. I'm just as blunt with you as I am with others.
After reading more from you, I can't help but wonder if you wouldn't have to figure out how to survive as a "loner", since you didn't have friends growing up. It takes courage to be alone, as most of us experience once we start school and see kids in groups, etc. For some reason, being physically alone today, causes you insecurity. I don't know how much that little boy had to make himself believe it didn't bother him what others thought. How many times you played that mental recording in your head. How much anger it might cased you to feel. Like I said, kids have to figure out a way to live with the cards they were dealt at the time. Something caused your fear, insecurity, and extreme negativity about everything. Something caused you to feel the need to control the one person who didn't reject you. If you don't know what that something is, then hopefully, the IC will help you find the source. In order to find a solution, you have to shine the light on the real source of your problems. You can't ignore it or bury it and think you can overcome it through shear inner strength and determination alone, IMHO. It will always come bleeding through in your actions. It's always there under the surface. If you already know what has caused you to live in fear and insecurity, but you don't know a solution and try to have the attitude that you can't change the past.......then the chances of life long improvements are lowered. It's true that we can't change what happened to us as children. We can't change the past, as early as yesterday. I get the feeling that you are searching for the solutions to save your MR. I hope you will also search for solutions that help the boy that was rejected and made to feel he was different.
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Recently though I just want to feel normal. Now more than ever as it has cost something I can't really replace. I mean even if I changed and found a new life and a new family, even if I was happier in that regard then now. I still lost someone so very important to me. I think that will haunt me forever.
I want you to feel good about being you. Get help for those inner nightmares that plaque you.
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Quote Oh goodness! You summed it up pretty well, with only a few words. smile My story is way too long to read.
I meant no disrespect, I'm not sure if you felt I kinda understood or your being sarcastic in the first line
Sorry, it's my brand of humor. I'm always making fun of myself for writing novels to explain something, while most of the LBH's here can say just as much in a couple of sentences.
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I think maybe I understand better now. Your husband basically got lucky. That you found your own path back and the tough love you got essential came from this forum.
Exactly! In fact, I was going to explain in this post how the board gave me that tough love. Usually, it's the LBS who comes here looking for help, so they are the ones getting the tools. When it's a wayward spouse who signs up, it's different. I mean, the DB books are more geared for the spouse who wants to save the M, which is not the norm joining the board. So, when I read the book, I didn't feel it was speaking directly to me, but it wasn't useless. I was the lucky one, b/c I had some great mentors. One gal was just about as blunt and straight shooting as I am, and that's what's I needed. So wow......you are beginning to understand me, which is a talent b/c my mind runs faster than I type and some people may think I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. If it ever see sounds that way to you, just ask and I will do my best to clean up my mess.
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I get that your years here have really pointed to tough love being what helps people cheating hit bottom and yes I can look it up. But I am here for support and help, you have no obligation to answer, but you have some understanding my life right now. I
One reason I stress tough love is b/c the majority of LBH's who come to the board are men with NGS (nice guy syndrome). I have observed it for years, and it's amazing, but it makes sense to me b/c I know the mindset of the WW. These nice-guy LBH's don't understand tough love, and are scared to try it. It's a foreign concept to them, b/c it feels opposite to what they think should work to get her back. That's why I wrote that little bit in my signature line. It's not what he thinks should work. The WW is not logical. She disrespects him, resents him, and is rebelling against him and their M. So, it's about what works to get the right results. There have been very few WW's to show up on the board, but those that have fully support the message I try to give LBH's. I don't even think WW's and WH's are exactly the same, b/c they are wired differently. So, I mostly stick to posting LBH's who have a WW. Occasionally, I will talk to the LBW's.
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I would love to hear what you would do in regards to tough love. Im not asking to be told what to do just what you think might have worked best for you in my situation.
I tell you what. I would love to tell you about tough love, b/c it may or may not be anything like you perceive. I will try to tell give you some idea of the mindset of a WW. In fact, I have several threads on the subject. I'll copy & paste the links. Now, I'll warn you, I had several people posting and asking questions about their own personal sitch, so don't let that distract you. Also, I had a couple of friends (who are rock stars in the DB hall of fame) to give their input.
If you run out, I can give you a couple more, but these threads will hopefully give you a picture of the WW.
When you read these threads and if nothing said reminds you of your W......let me know, okay?
One more thing. When you read that first thread, don't jump into something before first discussing it here. Just want to make sure you aren't doing it to be doing "something", and I want you to know what it is you are doing, first.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
(Illidin, please read my previous post.)
I don't want you to think I'm trying to be some wannabe therapist, b/c that's not the case....even if you may think I sound it. 
