H is having his first slide. It didn’t take long. We’re back on the intimacy blocker again. Today, however, he’s contacted someone for IC, which he’s been saying he’d do for months to help him work through his confusion, but never has. Now 3 days after wanting to come home he’s decided he needs IC. I’m trying to see that as a positive.
He still says he feels deep down he wants to be with me, that he wants his children to be part of a family unit, but there is this feeling that he can’t connect with me intimately. I’m honestly exhausted by this. He’s still been very loving today , lots of kissing, but he’s now firmly put the brakes on about moving back home - and everything is now preceded with “If”.
Tbh I’d not given him any indication that he should move back home, but in my mind it was more “when” and not “if”. I didn’t initiate a R talk last night or today -he did. I’m trying to be in control of me, although tonight I finally feel defeated and that I have no fight left in me.
He says he’s apprehensive about recommitting in case it’s not the right thing to do. I can’t help him with that, but I’m sure apprehension is an emotion for most people in this situation. I feel it too.
So I guess it’s just a case of being patient. It feels like limbo all over again. He still can’t work out if he wants me or not.
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
