I have missed this forum so much. I was somehow locked out of my account and have found no way to get back in, even after emailing. I haven't been able to reset my password or anything. I gave up for a little while, and then finally created a new account.
I have had a lonely month of ups and downs. I don't know where to even begin except that right now we are all in the same house (quarantine). I have been trying to GAL and detach, but I don't understand him. Three weeks ago he asked me to meet a need by showing physical affection. I have tried repeatedly, he still remains like a dead fish.
I was going to ask if he could do the same for me. He has asked instead that we right lists of what we expect from a husband/father, and a wife/stay at home mom. I suspect this will be another way of showing I am not living up to expectations, but who knows.
He told me he feels like we are roommates. He doesn't show affection, yet we do a lot together and have a good time. He is careful to keep us from connecting.
Yesterday was our 24th anniversary. We went paddleboading, got some take out, and sat on the beach. It was nice and we had a lot of fun. But no physical affection or words of love. It's the weirdest thing ever.
From my point of view, he is a blessed man. He has beautiful family and a good wife. But he appears to want...I don't know. Roommates?
I hope my friends are still here. I have missed this support. If anyone knows how i can get back in my account let me know.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
I have put in a request to have you removed from moderation since you are a former poster and not a newbie.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have put in a request to have you removed from moderation since you are a former poster and not a newbie.
thank you so much! I am happy to be here again.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
He did have a 2 year affair with a friend of mine three and a half years ago. I will add on my old signature for reference.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
OG, welcome back. Sounds like the Friend Zone. I don't remember all of your situation, but could his sexual energy be somewhere else? Even if just virtually? Does he have a porn addiction?
Remember, the definition of a wayward spouse is one who wants his cake, and eat it to. If he is expending his sexual energy elsewhere, and yet looking to you for the wifely companionship and friendship that should along with that, then you need to start standing up for yourself.
Does he hide his phone? Keep it locked and close by? Is secretive with his usage? Does he take it into the bathroom? Is he in the bathroom for long periods of time?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
oceangirl!! I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Is the discussion around the weekly trade-offs and you living in a different house the week he is in town over? This whole quarantine thing must be such a shift for you from before.
I'm glad you're back-- interested to hear more about what is going on.
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Hey oceangirl!!! I was wondering where you’ve been! Glad to hear from you again.
He asked you to show physical affection, what about him? What is HE doing to contribute to the relationship? I forget the details of your M but it is strange for him to expect you to do all the work. Has he even shown remorse about his A?
OG, welcome back. Sounds like the Friend Zone. I don't remember all of your situation, but could his sexual energy be somewhere else? Even if just virtually? Does he have a porn addiction?
Remember, the definition of a wayward spouse is one who wants his cake, and eat it to. If he is expending his sexual energy elsewhere, and yet looking to you for the wifely companionship and friendship that should along with that, then you need to start standing up for yourself.
Does he hide his phone? Keep it locked and close by? Is secretive with his usage? Does he take it into the bathroom? Is he in the bathroom for long periods of time?
Having dealt with infidelity before, so I don't live in the "it can't happen to me" world anymore. I also remember well what that looks like. He doesn't hide his phone, he leaves it out and i have the passcode. He often has me text people for him like when he is driving. During this quarantine he has been working from home and he is always on the phone - where i can hear - in the next room. Its possible, but i dont think so. I am always on the lookout for it (thank you trauma). I honestly think if he is cheating on me it's with a fantasy. An ideal woman because the grass is greener on the other side. He's been home for over a month so there hasn't been an opportunity for someone on the side physically.
What is frustrating for me is he is still in a pattern where I get the blame for whatever is wrong or whatever connection doesn't happen. For example, when I asked him why he was choosing the "roommate" path he got defensive and asked if there was something I was possibly doing to keep him from connecting. I thought, Im guessing the answer is yes ((roll eyes)).
Today he reached out to me and gave me a hug twice. That was a shocker. But I try not to get too excited about it. I am trying hard to work on valuing myself. And not needing to be happy based on how he feel about me.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
oceangirl!! I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Is the discussion around the weekly trade-offs and you living in a different house the week he is in town over? This whole quarantine thing must be such a shift for you from before.
I'm glad you're back-- interested to hear more about what is going on.
xx M
May!!! I'm so happy to "see" you!!!! I am going to catch up on your life also. Since we started therapy and with the quarantine throwing a wrench into things we are all still in the same house. I hoped it would make some sort of HUGE difference. Ugh, the way we can get our hopes up. We are all here in the same house. And if you walked in you would see us watching movies together, playing games, looking pretty normal. He just sends the message to me he tries not to connect.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
