The things that make obvious sense to me moving her out of the bedroom (which I haven't decided on yet. If it comes up again I won't stop as before.) Asking her to leave. I've already stated that I think this is not beneficial to me short or long term. Cutting her off finaincly. This actual isn't an option as there isn't a situation where I support her any more then she supports me. The bills are split and the extra I bring in goes to emergency accounts and vacation funds. I reviewed the budget where she would pay for her share and me mine and she would have even more money to herself as I wouldn't expect her to pay half of my car payment anymore. You have to understand that our budget has been based on a combined income not singular incomes our entire lives. We didn't live or work independently ever. I have already been working on accepting this and moving past some of my grief which I believe has to be the first step to detachment. I rarely even in our marriage tolerated complete disrespect as you mentioned but it hasn't been any issue at this time anyway. She is a complete joy to be around all the time unless I pursue and push her buttons. Then she simply withdraws from any conversation no mean words or anger. I could work on ignoring her text some assuming she ever sends me one that isn't just a typical courtesy text of I'm not coming back for dinner or I've arrived at my destination safely. I'm really not sure what else tough love could be I don't really believe it's disrespect so I can't just be mean or go around informing everyone about the affair so she can feel slut shamed or something. It already been made pretty clear I should keep the entire sitch as quiet as possible if I want to hope for reconcile.
