No. A lot of WAS's fall into this trap of trying to "nice" their WAS back and then when that doesn't work, they try to "mean" them back. Make threats, kick them out, start the D process. But they're not doing it because that's what they want, they're doing it to try and "wake them up". But it never works, so then they revert to trying to "nice" them back again and back and forth it goes. And it all just drives the WAS farther and farther away.
And.... that's not a 180 anyway. What is a 180? It's doing the opposite of what you've been doing. And what have you been doing? EVERYTHING to get him back! So what is the opposite of doing "everything"? Yup, you got it- "nothing". And that's what you should do, at least when it comes to saving the M. Nothing at all. Remove all pressure. Leave him alone. THIS is the hardest thing of all to do because your whole body and soul is screaming DO SOMETHING! And you can do something, just not for the marriage, at least not directly.
You work on YOU. Lose weight if you need to. Get in shape if you need to. Spruce up your wardrobe. Change your hair style. Get back into old hobbies, learn a few new ones. Take a painting class, do volunteer work, go for walks every day, joint a meetup group or two. Reach out to old friends. Make some new ones. In short, GET A LIFE.
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His brother is willing to fly out and talk (some sense) to him. Should I invite him to come? will that even help?
No, it will not help. In fact it may hurt things. Whether you have anything to do with it or not he will blame you for "rallying the troops against him". Just tell the brother that he needs time and space more than anything.
