Still 80% ambivalence, 10% disappointment, 10% sad.
Woke up at 3am. Feeling sad over this whole mess. I'd have muted H's texts and that has helped a lot. Now when I have a text notification pop up I don't have a panic moment if its him. I'm free to assume its friends and family.
Something told me I needed to check - I did. There were 2 texts from him. One was an unclear questions about cell phone bill and the other 3hr later was about coming to fix the fence on Wednesday.
I responded back this morning with - ok
Frankly I would like the fence fixed. It would save me some headache and some money. TBH I don't want to see him. I'm tired of the lack of eye contact. Not a single smile. That he is completely a different person to my S18 when he talks to him and then immediately reverts back to stone cold with me..
There was once a part of me that was grateful his move out took so many trips - more chances to see him, interact with him. He can see I've been consistent on my 180's. He could see my inner glow again peaking through the cracks. Now not so much.
He doesn't value me.
I don't think he really wants to do the fence work. He still has stuff here but I think he likes saying "hey I'll come over and fix the fence"... instead of asking "when can I get more of my stuff"... Makes him feel more like a good guy than a bad guy?
Well my allotted time to focus on this over it's on the 80% of my day now.
