Things continue to go well. I feel like we had a mini positive breakthrough on our anniversary in that we feel closer and the romantic side of things is starting to peek its head back in again. We ML again a couple of nights ago, him initiating by hugging me and saying "I love you, May." It was nice. And we continue to be really strong friends and partners in all of this, backing up each other in parenting decisions, and dealing with this crazy coronavirus situation in the best way we can. I feel like this past week has gotten a little tougher on everyone being at home, and we've both separately and interpersonally dealt with potentially difficult situations way better than we would have before.
He did delete the Spotify playlist he'd shared with AP (though I haven't actually acknowledged that yet...) On Saturday I was in Spotify turning on music, noticed that the playlist was still there, got a little down, he noticed and asked why. I said that GD playlist is still in there. He asked why I checked. I said because it matters to me, and it bothers me that you don't seem to really get why or care that it does. I know I was being a little over-dramatic but he didn't get defensive or anything, just said to me I understand, and I dropped it. I saw him noodling around on his phone later and I looked and it was gone. I haven't said anything because... I'm not sure. There are also other things we haven't even talked about recently that I don't know if he's done or not (blocked her numbers, etc), and I'm not sure that he's quite ready for that conversation. We had said we would leave it until quarantine was over and we could start MC again.
All that being said... his reasoning in the beginning for not deleting it when I brought it up was that he didn't want to do anything that didn't feel authentic to him, he wanted to get to a point where he never thought about it and didn't care, and wouldn't I rather him delete it for those reasons than just because I told him to? At the time I was like no, I want you to delete it because you know it will make me feel better, and it bothered me that that reason wasn't enough. Now, I look back and I definitely do feel like it means more that he's deleted it now than if he deleted it then. I hate to admit it, but maybe there is something to doing things on his time frame and me being able to trust it more than if he only did what I asked because I asked it of him.
Anyway. Trying to continue to relax and connect, be grateful and in the moment.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
