Well May you got your wish..... H came home from work yesterday exhausted and agitated. H finally got D16 on the phone. His feelings on that conversation were that he's lost his daughter and that she never wants to see him again. After a bit of chat I realized he was being a dramatic as these other two overly emotional monsters that normally live here. But I'll get to that later. He kind of unloaded again like the last time, but this time he was just more sad than angry. He immediately went to lay down after that since he starts work at an ungodly hour on Sundays. I sent him a text when I heard him stirring later, basically saying that I was sorry for everything that was happening between him and D16, but before this gets any more ugly, and even though I just wanted to keep my mouth shut I need to tell him that his theory on how this all got started is wrong. I am not the one to blame. I explained. I did my best to not smash his eff up in his face. I tried to skirt around it as much as I possibly could so he wouldn't get defensive and just be receptive. Then I offered to support him in any way he'd like me to. He responded back via text instead of to my face because honestly I think this is just easy for us when we discuss touchy stuff. The first part was: "I'm sorry for blaming you, I know it wasn't you even if I've kept saying that. I know it's mostly bio mom, a little D16 and a little me."
That did make me feel better. It makes me feel better about a lot. Knowing that he is at least a little cognizant of what's really going on here. Knowing that I can be honest and he doesn't immediately lash out. My bff pointed out that maybe part of my silence, because it is so against my nature, wasn't necessarily all about the 180, or even DBing in general, but that maybe I have a little affair PTSD and I'm actually scared to open my mouth now. After this whole thing, I think she might be on to something. I also learned that H is a big ol' drama queen. We did discuss the D16 situation further face to face after that little text exchange. D16 didn't say she never wanted to see him again. She finally answered her phone. When he asked her about coming home, if she wants to see him ever, if she's going to be mad forever, she answered with IDK. I honestly had to stop myself from smiling so I didn't look like a jerk. I'm also working very hard on not giving advice and trying to actively listen. I've been attempting to give guiding/exploring questions instead of dropping my opinion like a bomb. Even if I know I'm right...lol. So after he said that was this devastating conversation that he had with D16 I said "IDK isn't I hate you. Or never. You didn't lose her." I just left it at that last night. I kinda sat with what I know he needs to do and what I know I can't just drop on him, so tonight I'm going to suggest that he send her a loving text every day. Not a hi how's it going text. Just an I love and I miss you I hope you have a nice day text for a few days, back to back. Then ask her via text, because D16 hates confrontation, what he can do to make her want to come home or at least see him. We'll see if he's receptive. Or if this will bite me in the behind and be turned around into me being controlling or "over analyzing."
