Way back in college, a guy friend of mine said that he could see us getting together later in life after we both married and divorced someone else. I said “When I marry, it will be for life”. That exchange with my friend so many years ago has popped into my mind periodically throughout the years.
I realize I still want to be married for life. But sometimes we don’t get what we want. We are promised by God that he will always give us what we need, but not necessarily what we want. This is not meant to be doom and gloom. Far from it. Just an observation, and an acknowelgement that God is in control.
Today is my 29th wedding anniversary. I don’t feel too down about it. It’s just noted in my head and heart today. I had a fleeting thought to wear my wedding ring today. But, my finger is bare.
Time will bring me the answer to whether I will be married for life. Time will bring the answer to whether H can heal enough, whether the family can heal enough, whether H or I have the stamina to do the hard work, whether there can be enough change to sustain the relationship with a spouse I know I need, and deserve.
Today, I will remind myself why I am standing, and pray to God for continued guidance on my journey.
